The Evolution of a Family

A friend's blog this morning has me reflecting on the stages of life we go through as parents and families. As we prepare to start anew with BB, I can't help but pause to think about all the wonderful memories we've made so far on this wonderful journey together. Ten years married and nine years of parenting has been quite an evolution.

Steven and I didn't sleep a wink the night of our wedding. Get your mind out of the gutter! THAT isn't what I'm talking about. We had just enjoyed a beautiful day and we were too excited about our future together to sleep. Instead, we dreamed about what the future would be like for our family. Neither of us saw our family of two as complete. We talked about Tasha and that magical day when she would rejoin us. We talked about the babies we would have. Our rose coloured glasses were firmly in place, as they should be for newlyweds.

I think I've blocked out much of those upsidedown first few months after Jonas was born. I do remember the extreme fatigue and almost total abscence of self-confidence, but what fills my heart is the memory of falling in love with my baby. The joys of watching him learn and grow is almost as visceral to me as realizing that my own identity as a mother, as well as ours as a family, is evolving right along with him.

After years of longing for it, we were exuberant when Tasha actively joined our little tribe a few years after Jonas was born. Before then, there was a distinct hole in our family, a spacesaver that was hers and hers alone. Just like when we two became three, the addition of cherished family member number four was the catalyst for the re-creation of our family. The uncertainly of trying to establish a strong family bond with a teenager who you haven't grown into parenting is much like those first few months as newly minted parents. The bumps along the way are more than outweighed by the process of discovering who this wonderful young woman is. Our family has been so enriched by that experience that it's almost as if it was meant to be that way. Watching her enter the world of adulthood and striking out on her own, is an entirely new joy that isn't the end of parenthood, but rather an entirely new stage. I now understand what people mean when they say that parenting never ends, it just evolves.

I'm so excited about the new chapter our family is about to enter. I think it's safe to say that we all are. We've already moved into a phase of transition. In some ways, it's a repeat of a chapter we thought we were finished with, but it's so much more than that. It already is another time of re-creation of our ever-evolving family. Just the thought of it make my heart swell with overwhelming love for these amazing people who I am proud to call my family.

Cheers!

A Reassuring Day

Wow! What a place the Special Pregnancy Program is! It was an amazing experience. I've never felt so... special... in my life. Double doctoring is reassuring to begin with but this is so much more than that.

The only downside was that it was an extremely long day, and we finished so late that the rest of the clinic was closed so I couldn't get an extra round of blood work done. (I'm going to the lab near home today to do that.) The clinic closes at 5pm and she didn't finish with me until 6pm. I suppose that's to be expected in a clinic were all the moms and dads and dealing with high-risk pregnancies. We're all full of worry, enhanced by bad experiences, so we have a lot of questions and need reassurance.

Reassuring is the best word I can use to describe my experience yesterday. The results were all good. baby, placenta, cervix, uterus lining and mom are all healthy. They are extremely thorough. They took a detailed history, have requested our medical records from Jonas, Owen, the baby we lost after Owen, my spinal surgery report from 1994, and all of the testing we completed at Mount Sinai back in 2005. They are duplicating every blood test I've had so far and doing a whole bunch more so they can have a more complete picture of what's going on in there.

Speaking of pictures, the best part for me was having another ultrasound. How times have changed! When I've had previous ultrasounds, the technician wouldn't say a thing or let me see the screen until they were finished with their basic checks and sure everything was ok. We found out we lost our last baby after we had an ultrasound in which the tech said and showed nothing, but reported immediately to my OB, who called me at home later. That memory gave me a twinge of anxiety yesterday but, as with the ultrasound we had a couple of weeks ago, the technicians are very forthcoming. I watched the monitor from second one and both the technicians explained what they were seeing and measuring as they went along, reassuring me every step of the way. VERY cool!


At 16 weeks, BB is healthy, active and NOT an octopus!

This is getting close to the time in the pregnancy when we lost our last baby so it's a little worrisome. They still don't know what happened to that baby or to Owen so they're erring on the side of caution. 7 years have gone by since then and their understanding of how these things work has improved greatly in that time. The OBs are debating doing weekly ultrasounds, but we're going to wait for two weeks to do the next one, so the two doctors can be coordinated along with all the blood work. Actually, they're going to do two that week - one with my OB near home and another, more detailed one, at Mount Sinai. They've also added a daily calcium supplement and low-dose aspirin to help ensure the health of the placenta, and are looking for what seems to be a needle in a haystack by combing through all those old records.

Before we finished last night, we spoke about a schedule of visits at the clinic. She said she'd like to see me weekly but understands that it's a long way for me to go to get there. I told her I don't care. I'll do what we need to do to keep this pregnancy on track. Besides, I'm not about to turn down the opportunity to see BB more often. 

Cheers!



A Visit to the Special Pregnancy Clinic

Because I'm Advanced Maternal Age mama and we've had a 1 in 5 success rate with our previous pregnancies, this pregnancy has been classified as "High Risk". I have to admit, that's a little scary. A label like that is good fuel for nightmares. (I had one last night, actually, in it but I also gave birth to a baby octopus so I don't put much weight on pregnancy dreams.)  The upside about the label is that it means the medical pros are paying extra attention to us, and that's very reassuring.

Today I'm off to the Special Pregnancy Program at Mount Sinai Hospital in downtown Toronto. (Steven can't come with me because of a work commitment that couldn't be changed because this appointment came up suddenly. We both wish he could be there but this isn't an emergency situation so cooler heads prevail.) The Special Pregnancy Program (SPP) is dedicated to the investigation and management of the full range of maternal, fetal and placental difficulties that may occur during pregnancy. We went there for a bunch of testing after Owen was born, and then again after we lost our last baby. Today we're going for a follow-up to all of that testing and a more informed opinion about this pregnancy.

Click here for more info if you're interested in the Mount Sinai Special Pregnancy Program: http://www.mountsinai.on.ca/care/special-pregnancy-program/spp

I'm not sure what to expect from this appointment, other than a very long adventure in the waiting room. We're not going to turn back on this pregnancy unless there's a high risk to me. (So far it looks like that's not an issue. Knock on wood!) It'll be well worth the trip if they can offer some advice to make this pregnancy more successful. Not to mention that they are going to do an ultrasound that we wouldn't otherwise have and we might be able to help other couples who face the same high-risk status as we do.

Wish us luck!
Cheers!

Advantage Mama Bear

"Advanced Maternal Age". I hate that label. It makes me feel old. I think maybe it's supposed to. There seems to be an expectation that mothers-to-be should worry. Have you ever read "What to Expect When You're Expecting"? I did when I was pregnant with Jonas. There were exactly 2 and a half pages of positive stuff. The rest, all 300 or so pages, we filled with things to worry about. As a not-my-first-time around mom, I've got a slightly more balanced view of those worries, but then they slap that lable on and add a bunch of new things to the list of worries.

As if all those worries aren't enough, there are also the on-going societal debates to contend with. At times, being pregnant (and, in general, a mother) can be kind of like putting yourself up a cross and inviting everyone to critique your every decision. I expect to have discussions with family and friends, with the understanding that they will respect our decisions. It never ceases to amaze me, though, how quickly people judge complete strangers.  Jonas's pregnancy and birth were littered with examples.

I recall a gentleman saying "that had better be a decaf coffee you just ordered!" when I was about 7 or 8 months pregnant. A couple of weeks after he was born, an old guy at a restaurant told me that if I fed Jonas like I fed myself he would grow up to be obese too. (He was really old, so I wrote it off to alzheimer's.) And, my personal favourite: I once got the stink eye and lecture from a random self-righteous woman in a mall, when Jonas was about 5 weeks old. I was bottle feeding him and she lambasted me with a lecture about how the breast was better. When I told her that I pumped and my bottle contained my breast milk she turned bright red, stammered for a second or two, and then told me that I shouldn't have given up on the breast. Bottle feeding is bad for children's teeth don't 'cha know?!  As Jonas got older, the unsolicited advice got worse, but my skin got a lot thicker, but seriously, what's with that?

Even though I am now 16 weeks pregnant, I've only known for about a month. In that teeny tiny amount of time, I've already been confronted with:

• the debate over amniocentisus
• the breastfeeding wars
• the ethicacy of having a baby in your 40s
• the ethicacy of having too big of an age gap between children
• the ethicacy of telling your kids (or anyone, for that matter) you're pregnant when you know there's a chance you might lose the baby
• the debate over cord blood
• the war between stay-at-home moms vs work-out-of-the-home moms
• the ethicacy of male circumcision
• the hospital vs home-birth vs midwife/doula debate
• the dangers of caffine, medications, non-organic foods, etc...
• the argument between vegitarians and carnivores
• cloth vs disposable diapers
• discipline  (UG! Like we don't face this every day already, with Jonas!)
• the debate over attachment parenting, co-sleeping, etc...
• the debate over whether ethicacy is even a real word

I haven't even come to half of these bridges yet and already I feel the tremendous tug-of-war, almost exclusively from people who's opinion I don't really care about. I really wish that those people with respect us enough to accept that we're going to do our research, work closely with our trusted advisors, and make the best decisions for our family that we can. Or, at least, I wish they would understand that we are complete strangers and it's none of their business. If they don't, frankly, they're not going to know what hit them. I'm not perfect, but I've already earned my mama bear card. I'm not the timid, inexperienced, first timer I was the last time around. Advantage "Advanced Maternal Age" mom!

Cheers!

Belly Shots Round One

Tomorrow marks day 1 of week 16. We have about 24 weeks, or 5 months, to go. One of the fun things we haven't indulged in is belly pictures. In the spirit of concentrating on the positive and trying to have fun, here goes.

Everyone always does the profile belly shots, to show the growth of the baby/belly from month to month. While I love seeing those shots too, I thought we could try something different this time:

My waist is gone and my belly button is quickly disappearing too.
Soon enough it'll be "Bye, bye toes and feet!"

Cheers!

Wordless Wednesday: Week 15

I have a serious craving for Wendy's spicy Chicken sandwich with extra tomatoes.

I'm craving Tim Horton's potato soup and yogurt with berries.



Like many pregnant women, I have a UTI so I'm drinking lots of unsweetened cranberry juice.



My blueberry craving continues. So does the nausea.
My new fave midnight snack to tackle them both is blueberries with ricotta on crustini with a touch of honey.

My mom brought me a batch of her oatmeal pattycakes when she picked up Jonas for the weekend.
I was nice and shared them with Steven but now I'm craving more.

It's a good thing we have a king sized bed.
This is what it sometimes looks like BEFORE we add my and my fortress of pillows.
Poor Steven!

The belly has definitely popped!

 Cheers!

Let the Changes Begin!

One of the most important things on the Baby Blanchard Action Plan is preparing Jonas for our new family member, and trying to keep things as "normal" as possible for him. We don't want him to feel pushed aside or like he has to sacrifice crucial things in his life. It's putting added pressure onto this pre-school year planning period for the Blanchard family. Juggling school, tutoring, speech therapy, Cubs, Beavers and, oh yeah, family, can be tricky at the best of times but this year we're going to have to learn to play it by ear more than we've become accustomed. 

One of the keys to consistency for Jonas is going to be his involvement in Scouts. It's just so overwhelmingly good for him to be active in the Cub Scout program. Click here for imformation about the Scouts Canada Cub Scout Program:

http://www.scouts.ca/ca/programs/cub-scouts 

One of the things we're considering is switching him for our group in Pickering in one closer to home. It's going to be a big change and doing it at the beginning of the year, well before the baby arrives, will hopefully give him time to settle into his new group before his life turns a sideways at home. Moving to group near home will not only help us coordinate our week nights a bit easier, it will allow Steve to play a more active role in Jonas's involvement in Scouts. Hopefully it will mean less gaps in Jonas's participation this year, when Scouter Mom is going to play less of a role.

Finding a group is a little easier for us because I know many of the leaders, but the trick is going to be finding a group that Jonas feels comfortable with. Like any organization, every Scout group has it's own character. We're going to visit a few of the groups in our area and see what he thinks before making a decision. We were very fortunate to join an amazing group when we started (Thank you 9th Pickering!) and I have no doubt that we'll have the same luck with this temporary switch. 

So, for the benefit of anyone who isn't involved in Scouts but is considering it, I thought I'd share a key resource in our search for a new group. Scouts Canada has lots of wonderful groups and their "Find a Group" application is a great way to start to to find groups in your area. You can find by clicking this link:

https://www.myscouts.ca/ca/netforum_locator/search



Scouts Canada has a fantastic program and lots of wonderful groups.
You can find one by clicking here:
https://www.myscouts.ca/ca/netforum_locator/search



Cheers!

Glory Glory Hallelujah!

I couldn't help smiling when I woke up this morning. It's the first time in over two months that I've made it through the entire night without nausea! I even woke up puke free! WOO HOO!!  (I ate my saltines before sitting up and getting out of bed though, and I'm still taking my full dose of Diclectin too - just in case.) I'm hoping it's a sign that I'm about to start enjoying the benefits of the blissful second trimester, when your energy levels rebound and your pukienss decreases and you're not yet the size of a house.

My fingers are crossed that the nausea will disappear completely, but I'm not optimistic. I had nausea from day day until I wasn't pregnant anymore with all my other pregnancies. Of course, I had two boys and there's an old wives tale that says if your symptoms are different than they have been before, it could mean you're having the opposite gender. Having a girl intimidates me a little bit but, if the trade off is no nausea for the next five and half months.....

Cheers!

First Visit with the OB Specialist

Steven and I had an amazing meeting with our new high-risk pregnancy specialist yesterday. I should clarify that she's new to us but not new to the profession. She started practicing obstetrics when I was starting high school so she's experienced but not out of date. Three things in particular endeared her to us.

The first was when she got the sonogram out to listen to the baby's heartbeat. Before she started she spent about 5 minutes reassuring us that it might not be possible to hear anything yet, and not to be worried if she couldn't find it yet. Then she went to work. When she found it, her face lit up and she looked at me with the biggest smile, then at Steven, and said "That's your baby." I was overjoyed. It was a good strong heartbeat, accentuated by some good strong kicks. The best part was when the baby kicked the wand. We both felt it and she let loose a "Whoop!" and we both giggled. LOVE LOVE LOVED that!

The second was our conversation about an amniocentesis. Honestly, it scares the life out of me. If anything happened to the baby because of it I'd never forgive myself.  She explained that our risk of birth defects is low to begin with, and even lower because our family history is clear of any, although the risk is a little higher now that I'm over 40. (Having babies in our 40s is not part of our family history so we're charting new territory.) She said that the risk to the baby from an amnio is even lower but still possible. (She's only ever had one mother who had complications but the baby was totally fine.) She also reassured us that all of our tests so far have come back perfect. She said she's not going to pressure us. We're going to have the next round of blood work next week, the anatomical ultrasound in a couple of weeks, and she's also doing a thorough follow-up with the specialists at Mount Sinai Hospital who "studied" us after we lost Owen. We all agreed that we'd talk about an amnio and genetic counselling once all of that had been done and then we can make an informed decision, which she assured us she'd respect.

The final amazing moment came when we were talking about our birth experience with Jonas. When she she called the nurses and breastfeeding consultants "breastfeeding Nazis" I knew we were going to have a beautiful relationship.

Cheers!

My Worry Doll

It's the middle of the night and my mind is racing. Every mother worries. That's the reality of motherhood and it starts when they are still in the womb. While talking about BB (a.k.a. Baby Blanchard), a good friend told me the other day that my Mother Bear was showing. It made me smile to realize how incredibly happy I am about this pregnancy. It also made me realize that I need to manage my worries so that I can enjoy this pregnancy.

I'm trying to stay optimistic and focus on the fun stuff like baby names, nursery colours and the like. I'm pushing my fears aside but sometimes, when I can't sleep in the middle of the night, they creep back to the forefront of my mind.

Once upon a time, a friend gave me a worry doll from The idea was to tell the doll the things you're worrying about, put the doll under your pillow while you sleep and the doll will take your worries away. I lost that doll years ago, but I thought I could try the same concept here. My blog can be my worry doll. So, here goes!

Other than the obvious memories of Owen, the things I'm worrying about are:

• The likelihood of Downs Syndrome and other disorders is higher for woman over 40, especially since I wasn't trying to get pregnant and not taking folic acid supplements until 3 months into the pregnancy
• I treated my morning sickness and congestion with OTC meds before I knew I was pregnant
• I ate raw salmon before I knew I was pregnant
• The doctors have recommended an amniocentesis and that scared me before I was ever pregnant
• How are we going to afford maternity leave?
• What are we going to do about daycare for the baby?
• How are the kids going to react to having a baby in the family?
• We have too many cats and need to find homes for them
• Babies and ADHD kids could be a recipe for disaster. (Tiny little Lego pieces hurt our feet a bit when we step on them but they could choke a baby.)

Ok, I'm going to tuck this blog under my pillow now and try to get some sleep.
Cheers!

Wordless Wednesday: The First Few Months

Baby Blanchard reached 14 weeks this past weekend. It's been quite a journey so far. Here's a pictoral recap.

Cheers!

Just like my previous pregnancies, I've been sick 24/7 and it hasn't tapered off.
They say it's good for the baby and I say
"Thank goodness for prescription Diclectin!"



Saltines are my friend.

I was so so tired the first few months.
It was all I could do to get through a day at work and sometimes even that was too much.
Now that we're in the second trimester my energy levels are increasing. Phew! 

Water water and more water!



Camping while pregnant with 24/7 nausea and vomitting?
Not fun!

  

Craving: Nectarines



Food Aversion: Coffee

What do you mean we're pregnant and already at the end of the first trimester?

Food Aversion: Nectarines

Coffee Replacement: Steamed milk.

Random crying while watching kids tv with Jonas

Craving: Salmon sashimi
(Yup, I know it's dangerous for the baby but I indulged before I knew I was pregnant)

Food Aversion: Cooked fish

Craving: Pad Thai

Craving: Blueberries

Being 41 means that I most of my circle of of friends are past needing maternity clothes.
Last week I was down to one pair of pants that still fit so I went shopping.

How times have changed.
Cocoa Butter Stick in 2003 - $10
Cocoa Butter Stick in 2012 - $20!!

Let the belly rubs begin!
This time around Jonas wants to help too.  :D



Craving: My mom's oatmeal patty cakes.
She's bringing me some tomorrow when she picks up Jonas.
Yum!



Breaking the News

When I was younger, I dreamed of having a brood or 5 or 6 kids. When we were engaged, Steve and I agreed that 2, maybe 3 more, in addition to Tasha, would be more than enough. After we got married, we discovered that my body wasn't working from the same playbook as my heart. 5 pregnancies and one amazing kiddo later, we gave up trying. That was 7 years ago.

So when the doctor told me "You might want to sit down for this", being told that I'm pregnant at 41 was the last thing in the world I expected. In fact, being pregnant was so far from my mind that when the doctors asked if I could be pregnant, I had said "No way!" every time. HA!

Far from being over the moon happy about being pregnant, I was in shock and I was scared. The first 5 things that popped into my head in rapid succession were:

1. You're kidding me!
2. Phew! Thank God it's not cancer!
3. How's Steve going to take it?
4. How am I going to tell him?
5. I don't think we can go through this again

Owen came immediately to mind. Steven and I both had a really hard time with his death and the thought of going through an experience like that again is terrifying, especially now with Tasha and Jonas. Besides fighting my own worst fears, I was really worried about his reaction. He and I have come a long way, and we're stronger than we ever have been, but unexpected news like this could shake that by bringing back all those memories and fears.

After a month of feeling like death, and a few fruitless doctor's appointments, I did an EPT at the office on Thursday July 5th. The test said I was very pregnant, and the doctor agreed, but I waited until Sunday to tell Steve. It was Jonas's birthday and our families were coming to town to celebrate. That was enough, I thought, to deal with for a few days. I needed to figure out how to tell him and I knew we would both need some time to digest the news. The middle of a birthday party was not going to give us that. Besides, we would have the house to ourselves after the party because Jonas was going to spend the week with his Grandparents. So, I circled Sunday on the calendar and tried to stay upright and awake until the party was over. (Special thanks to Karen for picking up my slack at the party. I couldn't have done it without you!)

When Sunday night rolled around, I swallowed the lump in my throat and blurted it out as soon as we were alone. There was dead silence in the room for the longest 2 seconds ever, as we stared at each other and he tried to translate my words into something he could understand. I dreaded what was coming next but, again, I couldn't have been more wrong. He gave me the biggest hug ever, told me loved me and that no matter what happened we'd get through it together.

I love that man!

Cheers!

You Might Want to Sit Down for This

My blogging has been sporadic lately because I've been pretty sick the last couple of months and I've had to practically drag myself to the computer. I was worried that I might have a lupus flair-up, cancer, a heart problem or something equally horrendous. I couldn't have been more wrong. As it turns out, I haven't really been sick after all....


Everything is thumbs up so far!

We're still a little bit shocked to share with you that Baby Blanchard just reached 14 weeks and is due around January 26th. Other than 24 hour morning sickness and extreme fatigue until just a few days ago, things are going well. We're on pins and needles because of what happened to Owen, but we're trying to stay positive.

Being pregnant at 41 is way different that being pregant at 30 was, but one of the great things about it is sharing the news and the journey with the kids. We're thrilled to say that they're both happy and excited.

Please keep your fingers crossed for us.
Cheers!


Surprise!