I was sitting on my front step the night before last, looking at a star peaking through the clouds, and thinking about life. I was startled out of my head when a young man walked up the driveway and asked me if I had any interest in hiring a maid. I laughed and said "Yes. Much interest. No money." He didn't find it funny.
That encounter left me on the step a little longer. I was thinking about cleaning up. Cleaning up the house, our habits, our routines and my life. I'm in the mood for a clean sweep. It happens every year around this time. A little like the spirit the moves us to make New Years Resolutions, I feel like a new year is beginning and with it should come a reset on the things I want to do better.
Going "back to work" has meant a lot of change, not all of it for the better. In addition to our parenting and scheduling challenges, I'm no longer eating right, exercising, or sleeping as well. These things are so fundamentally important to my overall health that I can't help but think they have an impact on the other stuff.. It's a tall order to fix it all.
I've been trying to figure out how to tackle the list without trying to do everything and, inevitably, getting overwhelmed and giving up. Hiring a maid would be a good start, if I could afford it but, alas, these are challenges that money can't fix. What I need is a plan, and a three part one seems like a good start.
Step one is to get Team Blanchard back on-track.
Don't get me wrong. Steve has taken on a lot since I changed jobs. Believe me, I'm not complaining. I'm optimizing! When we tackle things as a team, it makes everything more manageable around here. Steve and Jonas are great team players but they need a good team captain. I need to stop being a Do-For. (The name my friend Karen uses for someone who does for someone what they can do for themselves with the right training, resources and encouragement.) Rather, if I want things to run smoothly at home AND make time for myself and my personal commitments, I need a solid action plan that involves us all. Our daily agenda book is going to be key to keeping everyone one the same page, getting things done and making the time I need.
Steps two and three are all about me.
When I did daycare, I spent a lot of time in the kitchen making healthy lunches and snacks. It was one of my top priorities during the day. I need to get back to those healthy eating habits. A balanced breakfast, drinking water and having a healthy lunch when I'm at work are so important. In addition to our healthy dinners, these will make me healthier, give me more energy and help me feel like a better role model for my family. Our shopping and cooking routines are going to be key to this. If I stock the house with healthy food choices, and we make left-overs with every meal, I won't have to think about what to have for breakfast or make for lunch every morning, I'll just have to remember to take it.
I'm also going to start a running routine at night. I'm not scheduling any marathons yet, but I need to get back in shape. I haven't considered myself an athlete for decades, but I need to get moving again. Playing in the gym with the Beavers and Cub Scouts a couple of times a week is ok, but I used to walk the kids too and from school four times a day. While I can't get that much in with my current job, I should be able to get out for a 30-60 minutes at night. Running is cheap and easy. It's also something I can do alone or with Jonas. I've got some good role models to follow as well. ;)
So that's my plan. It's three small but not insignificant steps that I hope will move me closer to the person I want to be.
Cheers!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Back to School Routines
This time next week, we'll be hearing all about how the first day of school went. As that day fast approaches, Steve and I are trying to figure out our work schedules. We'd like to try to find a balance this year that lets us both be actively involved in Jonas's school routines and activities. We got a taste of it at the end of last year, but the luxury of summer break saw us drift away from routines that will work with the school schedule. Ideally, we'd like to both do a few morning drop-offs and afternoon pick-ups every week. It's important that overseeing Jonas's school life be a partnership between us. It's more rewarding for us that way, more beneficial to Jonas, and it also helps spread out the frustration.
The school + ADHD combo isn't easy. There are a number a challenges that require a great deal of attention on a daily basis. We made a great deal of progress after Jonas' diagnosis in November. Changing schools was a difficult but important step for him. His current school is smaller and more intimate, and they've made key accommodations for him, including creating an Individual Education Plan (IEP) that seemed to work very well for the final third of Grade Two. We're thrilled that he'll have the same teacher this year. She's been wonderful with him and we've all developed a good relationship with her, as well the other teachers he interacts with. We're confident that the lines of communication with the school are strong, and that goes a long way to easing my anxiety over the year ahead.
On the home front, managing homework is the biggie. While we've found ways to make his reading, speech and fine motor skills practice fun, but he hates doing traditional reading, writing and math homework. Even when we try to make it fun, he doesn't buy-in. In fact, he often has a fit and, frankly, it can be traumatic. Over the past couple of years it's become something that we all dread. So much so that we completely avoided it over the summer. He didn't journal, he didn't send thank you cards for his birthday presents and he didn't write letters to follow-up his summer visits. (Yes, I know we've only made it harder for ourselves and no, I don't expect a Mom of the Year Award this year either.)
We're gearing up for a way to get back into a homework routine in a new healthy way. We need to find a way to make it fun, or at least make it tolerable, so we can get through it without all the tears and frustration. I'm soliciting new ideas and suggestions, stocking up on supplies, and this weekend we're going to create a new homework space that will hopefully help us to create a new vibe. A bigger, less cluttered desk with an exercise ball for a chair. Funky pencils, erasers, ruler, scissors and notebooks. A new CD player and instrumental music. A new stress ball. A big calender to match his school agenda. A funky clock. These are all things I hope will help. If you can think of any more, please let me know!
I still have a lot to learn about parenting, and about coping with ADHD, but one thing I have learned is that patience, creativity and communication are three of the most important skills we have to call upon to meet it all head-on.
Cheers!
The school + ADHD combo isn't easy. There are a number a challenges that require a great deal of attention on a daily basis. We made a great deal of progress after Jonas' diagnosis in November. Changing schools was a difficult but important step for him. His current school is smaller and more intimate, and they've made key accommodations for him, including creating an Individual Education Plan (IEP) that seemed to work very well for the final third of Grade Two. We're thrilled that he'll have the same teacher this year. She's been wonderful with him and we've all developed a good relationship with her, as well the other teachers he interacts with. We're confident that the lines of communication with the school are strong, and that goes a long way to easing my anxiety over the year ahead.
On the home front, managing homework is the biggie. While we've found ways to make his reading, speech and fine motor skills practice fun, but he hates doing traditional reading, writing and math homework. Even when we try to make it fun, he doesn't buy-in. In fact, he often has a fit and, frankly, it can be traumatic. Over the past couple of years it's become something that we all dread. So much so that we completely avoided it over the summer. He didn't journal, he didn't send thank you cards for his birthday presents and he didn't write letters to follow-up his summer visits. (Yes, I know we've only made it harder for ourselves and no, I don't expect a Mom of the Year Award this year either.)
We're gearing up for a way to get back into a homework routine in a new healthy way. We need to find a way to make it fun, or at least make it tolerable, so we can get through it without all the tears and frustration. I'm soliciting new ideas and suggestions, stocking up on supplies, and this weekend we're going to create a new homework space that will hopefully help us to create a new vibe. A bigger, less cluttered desk with an exercise ball for a chair. Funky pencils, erasers, ruler, scissors and notebooks. A new CD player and instrumental music. A new stress ball. A big calender to match his school agenda. A funky clock. These are all things I hope will help. If you can think of any more, please let me know!
I still have a lot to learn about parenting, and about coping with ADHD, but one thing I have learned is that patience, creativity and communication are three of the most important skills we have to call upon to meet it all head-on.
Cheers!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Going "Back to Work"
Going "back to work" has been a tough adjustment for us. I used to spend most of my day with Jonas, and at dinner time we would reconnect with Steve and Tasha. (While she still lived with us that is. That's a story for another blog entry.) Throughout the summer, I've rarely see them awake in the morning, and now it's me who catches up with them at dinner. I'm still not used to it.
As kids do, Jonas is getting older, and as he does, he's becoming more opinionated. He's also on meds for ADHD which makes him more aware of what's going on around him and more prone to speaking out when things don't seem right to him. Both of these things are completely natural, and we do want him to grow up to be confident and able to speak his mind. The secret to that, of course, is figuring when and how to speak your mind, and when to keep your opinion to yourself. Sometimes, I guess I'm just in a rush. I wish we could skip the learning process. I wish he'd say "Ok Mom and Dad" more often and give up the fight so that we can get on with the next great moment.
One of the things I've noticed is that I seem to have less patience now. Maybe it's because I have less time with Jonas during the day, or maybe it's because Steve and Jonas have more time together, but find that I'm more demanding of my time with them. We have less time together to smooth things out so, when things get bumpy, I get frustrated faster.
Steve and Jonas are spending more time together, and they are developing a much closer relationship, which I love, That also means that they find themselves in conflict more often. I have to bite my tongue not to intervene and over-parent Steve, and let them work it out on their own.
When Jonas and I have hit a rough moment, I lose my temper quicker. I feel horrible about that, like I'm failing him. I hope I'm wrong. Maybe it just seems that way because I'm more sensitive to those moments of tension when our time feels so limited. I hope that the trade-off is that I'm becoming better at conflict resolution because of the tighter timelines.
I don't know. I do know that whatever happens this fall, the one thing I know for sure is that I've got to tap into more patience!
Cheers!
As kids do, Jonas is getting older, and as he does, he's becoming more opinionated. He's also on meds for ADHD which makes him more aware of what's going on around him and more prone to speaking out when things don't seem right to him. Both of these things are completely natural, and we do want him to grow up to be confident and able to speak his mind. The secret to that, of course, is figuring when and how to speak your mind, and when to keep your opinion to yourself. Sometimes, I guess I'm just in a rush. I wish we could skip the learning process. I wish he'd say "Ok Mom and Dad" more often and give up the fight so that we can get on with the next great moment.
One of the things I've noticed is that I seem to have less patience now. Maybe it's because I have less time with Jonas during the day, or maybe it's because Steve and Jonas have more time together, but find that I'm more demanding of my time with them. We have less time together to smooth things out so, when things get bumpy, I get frustrated faster.
Steve and Jonas are spending more time together, and they are developing a much closer relationship, which I love, That also means that they find themselves in conflict more often. I have to bite my tongue not to intervene and over-parent Steve, and let them work it out on their own.
When Jonas and I have hit a rough moment, I lose my temper quicker. I feel horrible about that, like I'm failing him. I hope I'm wrong. Maybe it just seems that way because I'm more sensitive to those moments of tension when our time feels so limited. I hope that the trade-off is that I'm becoming better at conflict resolution because of the tighter timelines.
I don't know. I do know that whatever happens this fall, the one thing I know for sure is that I've got to tap into more patience!
Cheers!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Back to School Dread
Back to school fills me with dread this year. The closer we get to it, the more anxious I'm becoming. This is the first year that I won't be "home" during the day to actively manage it all. I'm stressed trying to think of ways to keep everything on track. There's just so much to figure out to make it a successful year. I fear that the changes are going to mean a tough transition for all of us.
It's been a pretty good summer. We're still struggling to find better ways to manage Jonas's ADHD, and the looming demands of school heighten my stress about that. Sleeping, eating, school, and childcare issues threaten menacingly, like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, making me worry about all the worst case scenarios my brain can come up with.
I clearly need a plan! They say the best way to eat an elephant is one bit at a time, so I started by buying a daily agenda book. School assignments, work schedules, meal plans, extracurricular activities, household chores, social engagements, etc, all can be captured in the book. It will live on the kitchen counter and hopefully help keep us all on the same page and moving in the right direction. Hopefully.
Cheers!
It's been a pretty good summer. We're still struggling to find better ways to manage Jonas's ADHD, and the looming demands of school heighten my stress about that. Sleeping, eating, school, and childcare issues threaten menacingly, like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, making me worry about all the worst case scenarios my brain can come up with.
I clearly need a plan! They say the best way to eat an elephant is one bit at a time, so I started by buying a daily agenda book. School assignments, work schedules, meal plans, extracurricular activities, household chores, social engagements, etc, all can be captured in the book. It will live on the kitchen counter and hopefully help keep us all on the same page and moving in the right direction. Hopefully.
Cheers!
Friday, August 26, 2011
Time for a New Vintage
Hello friends!
It's been far too long since I last blogged. I started this blog to help me as a woman, a "stay at home" mom, the mom of a son with ADHD, and as a mom transitioning back into a traditional "job". It was great therapy for me, but it didn't last long. As I got deeper into life and the changes it brought, I reverted back to the mom I used to be, the one I didn't want to be anymore when I left the corporate world - the one who feels constantly over-stretched, who's desperate to make the most of every moment she can with her family, struggling to live up to her cherished commitments, and trying to do it all to the exclusion of herself. I don't want to feel that way anymore.
As fall approaches, I find myself growing increasingly anxious. We have a lot of adjusting to do. The way we used to do things just isn't going to work anymore. We have to figure out totally new routines for before and after school, homework, bedtime, family time, Scouts, volunteer time and time with friends and family. In the midst of it all, I have to make time for myself so that I don't feel stretched to the point of snapping all the time. I adore my family and am committed to my volunteer work, but I also need time for me, my friends and my self-development. I'm a better mom, wife and person when I do.
That's where this blog comes in. I'm going to start carving out time for blogging every day. I'm going to use it as a journal to sort through my thoughts and feelings about life, including helping me work toward my goal of not losing myself to all the things I feel compelled to do. I'm going to count on you, my village, to help me stay on track.
It's not going to be easy. I have so many thoughts running around my head that I need to organize, prioritize and make action plans for. I know I'll fall victim to over-committing myself, failing and starting over again. It might take a few tries to find a path that works but, with your help, I'll keep trying!
Cheers!
It's been far too long since I last blogged. I started this blog to help me as a woman, a "stay at home" mom, the mom of a son with ADHD, and as a mom transitioning back into a traditional "job". It was great therapy for me, but it didn't last long. As I got deeper into life and the changes it brought, I reverted back to the mom I used to be, the one I didn't want to be anymore when I left the corporate world - the one who feels constantly over-stretched, who's desperate to make the most of every moment she can with her family, struggling to live up to her cherished commitments, and trying to do it all to the exclusion of herself. I don't want to feel that way anymore.
As fall approaches, I find myself growing increasingly anxious. We have a lot of adjusting to do. The way we used to do things just isn't going to work anymore. We have to figure out totally new routines for before and after school, homework, bedtime, family time, Scouts, volunteer time and time with friends and family. In the midst of it all, I have to make time for myself so that I don't feel stretched to the point of snapping all the time. I adore my family and am committed to my volunteer work, but I also need time for me, my friends and my self-development. I'm a better mom, wife and person when I do.
That's where this blog comes in. I'm going to start carving out time for blogging every day. I'm going to use it as a journal to sort through my thoughts and feelings about life, including helping me work toward my goal of not losing myself to all the things I feel compelled to do. I'm going to count on you, my village, to help me stay on track.
It's not going to be easy. I have so many thoughts running around my head that I need to organize, prioritize and make action plans for. I know I'll fall victim to over-committing myself, failing and starting over again. It might take a few tries to find a path that works but, with your help, I'll keep trying!
Cheers!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Surfacing for a Breath of Fresh Air
Hello friends!
It's been about a month since I last blogged, and what a month it's been. I feel like a mother whale surfacing for a breath of fresh air after a month in the deep dark depths of the sea.
As you know, we had a major life change at the end of February and it's taking some adjusting. Getting Jonas settled into his new school and routines, and finding another job, have become my top two priorities in life. Truthfully, it's been more difficult than I expected.
While there's no news on the job front, I'm happy to say that Jonas seems to be settling in nicely. He loves that he can stay up a little later at night now. He loves that he has more playtime in the mornings. He loves that he gets to see Dad every morning for breakfast. He loves that he gets to stay at school for lunch every day. (Notice I said "Stay for lunch" and not "eat lunch at school"? He's too distracted by the daily soccer game to eat.) He loves that he gets to have fresh cold chocolate milk for lunch every Friday. He loves that Dad joins me to pick him up after school most days, and that Tasha comes sometimes too. He loves that they've already gone on a field trip and there's another one coming up. He loves that they have pizza lunch every month at this school too. He loves that he got to join the Guitar Club and move one step closer to being a Rock Star twice a week. He loves that he doesn't have so much homework and that Dad can help him with it after school now. He loves that he can walk around the school by himself. And he loves that mom respects his request for no public displays of affection at school. ;)
Gone are the days of 3 or 4 pages a day, plus reading, spelling and writing. Now he only brings home a weekly spelling list and daily reading. Occasionally, there will be something else but so far, it's been nothing but fun stuff. like "Draw your favorite character" or "Pick out your favourite Hot Wheels car and bring it in for math class."
The new school has 120 kids, and only 12 who are in Grade 2, so it's a lot more intimate than his previous school.. He's in a Grade 2/3 split class, with 5 other Grade 2 kids. His teachers have called a couple of times to let us know how he's doing, and so far it's all been good news. He seems to enjoy it there, but I've been worried about him. Like any big change, there are positives and negatives. Moving to a new school in the middle of the year is daunting.
We soon discovered that the assessments from his previous school were bang on. He's struggling in reading, writing and math, although he seems to be catching on in math. He also missed an important block of math in the school shuffle, so we have to do extra work on that. We were thrilled discovered that they have a great reading program for the kids that need extra help. A grandmother, who's a retired teacher, comes in on Mondays and Fridays to read with them, and gives them reading to work on at home every day. It's great that he now has a reading tutor twice a week, and even better that his reading homework comes directly from that program so it's not doubled up with the regular classroom stuff.
He seems to look forward to school, but watching him on the playground at home, I worry about him making friends. He's a wonderful kid who doesn't fit it sometimes, and he's self-conscious about that. He's branching out and playing with more kids from school while at home, but he's been hesitant and shy, almost afraid to ask to join in, even with the kids he usually plays with. It's been a month but he can't remember any of the kid's names, except for the guy that sits beside him in class, the guy in guitar club with the mohawk and "the class clown." After March Break he started complaining of a tummy ache at school time every morning, which makes me wonder how he really is at school.
Confession time: His teachers say he's fitting in well but I just had to see for my own eyes. I don't want to be helicopter mom, and I'm sensitive to his growing independence, so I covertly snuck over to the school yard to watch him for a few minutes at lunch the other day. He was playing soccer with the other kids and looked to be having a great time. He was laughing and running, when I saw that smile I thought, "Phew!"
Now, if I could just find a job so we can finish this change cycle!
It's been about a month since I last blogged, and what a month it's been. I feel like a mother whale surfacing for a breath of fresh air after a month in the deep dark depths of the sea.
As you know, we had a major life change at the end of February and it's taking some adjusting. Getting Jonas settled into his new school and routines, and finding another job, have become my top two priorities in life. Truthfully, it's been more difficult than I expected.
While there's no news on the job front, I'm happy to say that Jonas seems to be settling in nicely. He loves that he can stay up a little later at night now. He loves that he has more playtime in the mornings. He loves that he gets to see Dad every morning for breakfast. He loves that he gets to stay at school for lunch every day. (Notice I said "Stay for lunch" and not "eat lunch at school"? He's too distracted by the daily soccer game to eat.) He loves that he gets to have fresh cold chocolate milk for lunch every Friday. He loves that Dad joins me to pick him up after school most days, and that Tasha comes sometimes too. He loves that they've already gone on a field trip and there's another one coming up. He loves that they have pizza lunch every month at this school too. He loves that he got to join the Guitar Club and move one step closer to being a Rock Star twice a week. He loves that he doesn't have so much homework and that Dad can help him with it after school now. He loves that he can walk around the school by himself. And he loves that mom respects his request for no public displays of affection at school. ;)
Gone are the days of 3 or 4 pages a day, plus reading, spelling and writing. Now he only brings home a weekly spelling list and daily reading. Occasionally, there will be something else but so far, it's been nothing but fun stuff. like "Draw your favorite character" or "Pick out your favourite Hot Wheels car and bring it in for math class."
 |
| New school, new school picture |
We soon discovered that the assessments from his previous school were bang on. He's struggling in reading, writing and math, although he seems to be catching on in math. He also missed an important block of math in the school shuffle, so we have to do extra work on that. We were thrilled discovered that they have a great reading program for the kids that need extra help. A grandmother, who's a retired teacher, comes in on Mondays and Fridays to read with them, and gives them reading to work on at home every day. It's great that he now has a reading tutor twice a week, and even better that his reading homework comes directly from that program so it's not doubled up with the regular classroom stuff.
He seems to look forward to school, but watching him on the playground at home, I worry about him making friends. He's a wonderful kid who doesn't fit it sometimes, and he's self-conscious about that. He's branching out and playing with more kids from school while at home, but he's been hesitant and shy, almost afraid to ask to join in, even with the kids he usually plays with. It's been a month but he can't remember any of the kid's names, except for the guy that sits beside him in class, the guy in guitar club with the mohawk and "the class clown." After March Break he started complaining of a tummy ache at school time every morning, which makes me wonder how he really is at school.
Confession time: His teachers say he's fitting in well but I just had to see for my own eyes. I don't want to be helicopter mom, and I'm sensitive to his growing independence, so I covertly snuck over to the school yard to watch him for a few minutes at lunch the other day. He was playing soccer with the other kids and looked to be having a great time. He was laughing and running, when I saw that smile I thought, "Phew!"
Now, if I could just find a job so we can finish this change cycle!
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