Going "back to work" has been a tough adjustment for us. I used to spend most of my day with Jonas, and at dinner time we would reconnect with Steve and Tasha. (While she still lived with us that is. That's a story for another blog entry.) Throughout the summer, I've rarely see them awake in the morning, and now it's me who catches up with them at dinner. I'm still not used to it.
As kids do, Jonas is getting older, and as he does, he's becoming more opinionated. He's also on meds for ADHD which makes him more aware of what's going on around him and more prone to speaking out when things don't seem right to him. Both of these things are completely natural, and we do want him to grow up to be confident and able to speak his mind. The secret to that, of course, is figuring when and how to speak your mind, and when to keep your opinion to yourself. Sometimes, I guess I'm just in a rush. I wish we could skip the learning process. I wish he'd say "Ok Mom and Dad" more often and give up the fight so that we can get on with the next great moment.
One of the things I've noticed is that I seem to have less patience now. Maybe it's because I have less time with Jonas during the day, or maybe it's because Steve and Jonas have more time together, but find that I'm more demanding of my time with them. We have less time together to smooth things out so, when things get bumpy, I get frustrated faster.
Steve and Jonas are spending more time together, and they are developing a much closer relationship, which I love, That also means that they find themselves in conflict more often. I have to bite my tongue not to intervene and over-parent Steve, and let them work it out on their own.
When Jonas and I have hit a rough moment, I lose my temper quicker. I feel horrible about that, like I'm failing him. I hope I'm wrong. Maybe it just seems that way because I'm more sensitive to those moments of tension when our time feels so limited. I hope that the trade-off is that I'm becoming better at conflict resolution because of the tighter timelines.
I don't know. I do know that whatever happens this fall, the one thing I know for sure is that I've got to tap into more patience!