Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Great Meeting with the Teacher!

Wanting to start the year off with good communication with the school, Steve and I scheduled a meeting with Jonas's new teacher on Thursday after school. We originally set-up babysitting so he and I could go alone but his teacher asked that he attend as well. We had mixed emotions about that. We want him to be an equal partner in his education but by 4:30pm his meds are wearing off and he starts to go off the rails. Steve and I were both worried that we'd spend the meeting trying to manage his behaviour instead of talking with the teacher.

With a lot of deep breaths, we headed into the school not quite sure what to expect. The fact that he came home with a note saying that he got very little done in math class that day made me really start to dread hearing what else she had to say. Sitting at the little table in the back of the class in those tiny chairs flashed me back to waiting outside the Principal's office when I was a kid.

We needn't have worried. It went really well despite that fact that he was bouncing off the walls - and slithering around on the floor like a snake.

His new teacher is Mrs. G. We were immediately put at ease when she told us that she did her Masters Degree in Education on kids with ADHD, and that her now 24 year old son was diagnosed with ADD with he was 6. We were also relieved when she said Jonas's behaviour that night was not something they usually see in school. Phew! He does have his moments but she's not overly concerned with his behaviour as long as we all work together to monitor it and help him learn to self-regulate.

She met us with a highlighted copy of our letter in hand. We went through it together, adressing each issue point by point, elaborating on many, as well as touching on some that weren't covered in the letter. She had a lot of great ideas and suggestions for both school and home. Here are the main ones:
  • He's allowed to stand up at his desk to do his work, as long as he's not distrubing the other students.
  • She keeps a huge staff of sharpened pencils at her desk so he doesn't need to get caught up with the pencil sharpener.
  • She loves free time and hates homework. She'd rather cut a little play time during the day to get things done so that it doesn't have to go home. She will only send uncompleted work home if he wastes an excessive amount of time that will really impact his freetime. His only regular daily homework is 30 minutes of independant reading.
  • She doesn't like spelling lists. She prefers to catch spelling errors in their every day work. She doesn't correct their errors but teaches them to use a dictionary to look up the words. (If they're really off, she'll give them the first three letters.)
  • She is starting a "Homework Club". Jonas and a few other kids who are having a hard time with the notes in their agendas will meet with Mrs.G for five minutes afterschool every day to review and make sure their notes are clear and they understand what they mean.
  • She's going to remind him to get his water bottle and put it on his desk every morning when he gets his agenda out. He can also have a Boost/Ensure on his desk instead of his water bottle. (Her son had dramatic appetite issues so she gets it.)
  • An afterschool tutoring program should be up and running in a few weeks, and he's also going to join the home reading program again as well.
  • He can read anything that interests him during independant reading time, as long as it's actual reading and not looking at the pictures and making up stories to go with them. She also gave us a new on-line reading comprehension program to try out.
  • They practice telling the time anytime he leaves or arrives in the classroom. (i.e. washroom breaks)
  • Jonas is going to join the cross country and guitar clubs, which happen before school and at lunch time.
  • Together we're working on teaching him personal responsibility so "The ADHD made me do it!" isn't a valid excuse for anything and neither is "She made me do it!" If he breaks the rules, he loses his star for the day, even if he "was only talking to her because it's rude not to acknowledge when somebody talks to us".
  • She has grouped the ADHD students together in the class. (There are 4 of them.) I was worried about them distracting each other but she says it's easier for her to manage their behaviour without drawing attention to them when they sit together. She can simply walk by and place her hand on the desk and all four snap back to attention.
  • They are working on code words to help him refocus when he's having a tough time. "Focus" is one that he likes.
  • She uses the same techniques to help manage his speech issues as we do and is very sensative to how the other students precieve him. She treats anything that comes up on her watch as a teachable moment and she doesn't tolerate bullying. If anybody gives Jonas a hard time about the way he speaks, he is to tell her so that they can deal with it together.
  • He can use a computer at school or at home for homework as long as he keeps practicing his handwriting too.
  • She uses a Star Program: A good day of rule following nets them a star at the end of the day, which they can trade in at the end of the week for rewards.
  • We're starting to think about the Ontario EQOA Testing in May. He's already nervous about it and there's no way he'll get through it without some formal strategies in place.

We covered a lot of ground in that hour or so. It was so refreshing not to walk out feeling defeated or frustrated. Jonas left the meeting knowing that mom, dad and Mrs. G are a team and on his side. Steve and I left the meeting feeling very relieved that he is in such good hands. Phew!

Cheers!

Monday, September 19, 2011

Thank You Fish N Chix!

Fish N Chix weekend was great!
It was exactly what I needed to refocus, re-prioritize and re-charge my batteries.
I feel ready for life again.

I am blessed with amazing friends. The Fish N Chix are 5 of those amazing women. No matter what life throws at us, we are always there for each other, strengthening each other, and reminding each other of our motivation to keep trying. We may not see each other for a while, but that bond is always present. I always come away from our Fish N Chix weekend ready to tackle life and all it's challenges. Or rather, I always come away from it believing that I can tackle life and all it's challenges.

It hasn't been an easy year. We've had to deal with a cancer scare for one of us, the cancer of a spouse, career turmoil, personal health issues, buying a first house, going back to school, starting a new business, unemployment, financial distress, relationship issues, parenting and a major paradigm shift in one of our friendships. It's been an epic year for all of us. Turning 40 was a minor blip in the face of all that and this year's trip took on added significance as a result.

Fish N Chix weekend is peaceful. It's quiet when we fish. (Except when one of us lands a fish, that is.)  Every woman is thinking her own thoughts. Far from paying the bills and weekly meal plans, common consensus is that we think much more basic thoughts than that: cast, "ooooh don't hit that stump!", reel, jerk, , set the hook and "GET THE NET!" One of the reasons Fish N Chix is the ultimate in relaxation is because it takes us to a completely different, more basic, place than our every day lives.

Conversely, our on-shore life during the weekend is peaceful in a different way. There's always music singing the stories of our lives, and we're constantly talking about every day life. We don't talk about our challenges every second but, we don’t ignore them when they come up either. We acknowledge them, talk them through, and find hope and strategies to try to make things better. We find comfort in finding ways forward.

Fish N Chix weekend, for me, is all about peace. It's about fortifying myself and helping to refortify my friends. It's a vital part of facing another year, and hopefully making it a little better than the one before, despite the obstacles in front of us. The older we get, the more intense those challenges grow, and the more important this weekend becomes.

Our friendships are so vital. I am reminded every year of just how much. I'm also reminded each year that I don't have to be perfect - as a mom, as a wife, or as a friend. I'm not always the person I want to be and my life doesn't always go to plan, but I know that no matter how much I may fail in those idealustic goals each year, I have safe harbour with the Chix. They are a vital part of my village. We believe in each other and from that I take great strength.

I will shine the light.
I will shine the light.
I will hold you in my arms,
until everything's alright.
I will shine the light
When your worries, they won't let you sleep,
and rob you of your days..
And you've looked in all directions but you
still can't find your way.
When you just need someone to remind you that it's
all gonna be ok, I will shine the light.
I will shine the light.

-"I Will Shine the Light" by Sugarland


Thanks girls!

Cheers!



Thursday, September 15, 2011

A Weekend for Mom

There is one weekend every year that is just for me. It is immovable no matter what else is on the family calendar. This is it - the third weekend in September. My annual Fish N Chix weekend.

The Fish N Chix
The Fish N Chix are a group of amazing friends who get together every year for a fishing weekend. I tell people who ask that the weekend is one part fishing, one part enjoying good food and drink, and a year's worth of relaxing. It nurtures our souls. It started as a weekend getaway after the busy summer and kids going back to school, and before the craziness of  fall and winter activities begin, and it has become a cherished ritual.

The rules are simple: You have to fish. You can nap when you want to. No boys or kids allowed. (The dogs aren't even allowed to come this year!)

I've never looked forward to it more than I do this year. I hope you have a great weekend too! Be sure to take at least a few moments and do something just for you.


Cheers!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Wordless Wednesday

One broken tent - It lasted less than 24 hours in the backyard with the nijna boys.
My ninja boy
One cup of coffee in my favorite mug - mom's cup of calm.

Cheers!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Lego: The Power of Play

I loved Lego when I was a kid and I love it even more as a parent. In my mind, Lego is a super toy. It embodies invention, transformation, creativity, experimentation, engineering, science...it's great for teaching patience, organization and fine motor skills and, when more that one child plays with it, it's also a great training ground for social skills. Pretty awesome stuff.

Jonas has recently stopped needing help when putting together Lego kits!

One of the flip sides of ADHD is something called hyper-focus. That's when Jonas can concentrate on something so thoroughly that it's like everything else in the world disappears. There aren't many things that will capture Jonas's attention like this. He can play with Lego for hours, making things out of his own mind and coming up with elaborate scenarios to play out with them. It can be a pretty powerful transformation, expecially when we harness it towards something that can be so good for him.

One of the differences between Lego now and when I was a a kid, is that it seems that most Lego now comes in pre-designed kits You can still buy boxes of blocks, but these kits take it one step further. They have characters, themes and directions. You name it and there is probably a kit out there that will let you make it out of Lego. (Lego Star Wars, Nascar and Ninjas are three hot items in this house.)  The idea of following directions when playing with Lego seemed all wrong to me when Jonas first started playing with it. Mom and Dad had to build it and that's not the point of Lego, in my mind. Also, it could take us hours to put something together that would be broken in two minutes. When tears flow from parents and child it's not a positive toy endorsement.

Jonas loves Star Wars, especially Darth Vadar. It must have taken two hours to put together.
I'm not sure who cried more when it broke - the boy or the dad.
I've come around in my thinking over the past year or so. Jonas is now able to follow the directions on his own to build the kits. This is a really important developmental step and we're thrilled to see Jonas make it. He's only recently stopped asking for help when he's building stuff. It's pretty cool to watch. On the other hand, creativity is also important and it's great to see that not get stifled...

Mutant men trying to save one who's fallen in quicksand.

Cheers!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Knowledge is Power! Understanding Speech Disfluency


Jonas stutters. My Grandfather did and so does my Aunt. I do sometimes as well. There is no one cause of stuttering. Current research indicates that many different factors, including genetic inheritance, the child’s language skills, the child’s ability to move his or her mouth when speaking, the child’s temperament, and the reactions of those in the child’s environment play a role in the development of stuttering. Whatever the cause, the resulting social and educational impacts are a significant concern for us.

As the kids were playing in the backyard yesterday, one of the new boys in the neighbourhood kept asking Jonas why he talks the way he does. I never heard Jonas answer him so I asked him about it this morning. He said he just ignored it and sometimes ran away. The boy wasn't making fun of him, as some of the other kids do, but he said it made him feel a little embarrassed.

How he deals with other children is something that we are working on together. One of the ways the adults in his life can help him is by having a better understanding of speech disfluencies and the strategies we can use to help him. With a belief that knowledge is power, I thought I'd share some of the insights we've gained since Jonas started speech therapy a couple of years ago. 

What Is Stuttering? 

Stuttering is a speech/language impairment characterized by disruptions in the forward flow of speech (or "speech disfluencies"), such as repetitions of whole words or parts of words, prolongations of sounds, or complete blockages of sound. (Jonas has each of these types of disfluency.) Speech disfluencies may be accompanied by physical tension or struggle, though many young children do not exhibit such tension in the early stages of the disorder.

Stuttering is highly variable – sometimes a child will stutter a lot and sometimes the child will be very fluent. Factors influencing the likelihood that stuttering will occur differ from one child to the next, but might include:


Who the child is talking to
What the child is talking about
Where the child is when talking
What time of day or year the child is talking
The child’s emotional or physical state (e.g., excitement, fatigue, illness) while talking
The length and complexity of the message the child wishes to convey
Other factors that are more difficult to identify

Many times, children experience fear or embarrassment because of their stuttering. As a result, they may learn to hide their stuttering so it does not show. They can do this by avoiding speaking in certain situations or to certain people. They might also avoid saying words they think they might stutter on or refrain from talking altogether. If a child begins to avoid speaking in order to avoid stuttering, the disorder can have a marked impact on his or her social, emotional, and educational development.

Sometimes, older children and adolescents become so adept at hiding their stuttering that other people may not even know that they stutter. Although this might sound like a good goal, it typically is not. Hiding stuttering takes a lot of emotional and cognitive effort and results in significant shame for the person who stutters. This, in turn, often limits the child’s ability to participate in life activities at school or in social settings. The best way to deal with stuttering is not to try to hide it, or to hide from it, but rather to face it directly. 

What can we do to help?

We try to help Jonas help by: (1) providing a model of an easier, more fluent way of speaking, (2) reducing demands on him to speak, particularly demands to speak fluently, and (3) minimizing the time pressures Jonas may feel when speaking. 

Modeling. Jonas tends to be more disfluent when he or the people around him talk more quickly. This is due partly to the increased time pressures he feels and also to Jonas’s own attempts to speak more quickly in order to keep up. We try to be aware of our speaking rate and make a conscious effort to speak more slowly.

Beyond reducing our own speaking rate, we can model for Jonas an easier, more relaxed way of speaking. One way to do this is by reflecting Jonas’s sentences back to him, using a slower speaking rate, then expanding Jonas’s words when responding to his questions. For example, if  Jonas says "I want to play outside now," we can respond using a slower speaking rate, saying "You want to play outside now? (pause) Okay, that would be fine." This gives Jonas an immediate example of how to speak more easily and more fluently using a slower speaking rate. 

Reducing Demands. Often, people feel uncomfortable when Jonas stutters. There is sometimes an irresistible urge to try to help him by telling him to "speak more slowly" or to "stop, take a deep breath, and think about what he wants to say." Although this might sound like good advice, it does not help, and only serves to make him more self-conscious about his speech. The same is true about finishing his words or making seemingly supportive comments about his fluency (e.g., "you said that so fluently"). Although such statements seem positive, Jonas interprets them as corrections since he typically doesn’t know what he did differently to make his speech fluent.We find that it is best to avoid any such corrections or demands on him to speak fluently. In treatment, Jonas is taught how to make these changes in his speech, and we learn ways to respond to his fluent and disfluent speech in a supportive manner.

Children are more disfluent when they use longer or more complex sentences. When Jonas is disfluent, therefore, it is helpful to limit our use of open-ended questions requiring long or complex answers (e.g., "what did you do at school today?"). Instead, we try using closed-ended questions requiring shorter, simpler answers (e.g., "did you have fun at school today?" or "did you go outside during recess?"). We also try to encourage Jonas to talk without asking any questions at all. We try to comment on his activities (e.g., "I wonder if it’s going to rain while you’re at school today") and give him an opportunity to respond. The key is to manage Jonas’s speaking situations carefully – at times when he is speaking more fluently, we feel comfortable stimulating his language development by using more open-ended questions. 

Minimizing Time Pressure. One of the most helpful ways we can reduce the conversational time pressure Jonas may feel is to model and use a slower speaking rate as described above. Another useful technique is pausing, one to two seconds, before answering his questions. This gives him the time he needs to ask and answer questions, and it helps teach him not to rush into responding during his own speaking turns. Finally, this technique shows him how to take enough time before speaking to formulate their answers more fully.

Another important benefit of using pauses is that it helps everyone learn to take turns when speaking. The normal flow of conversation involves turn-taking – only one person speaks at a time. If two or more people are competing for talking time, or if one person interrupts another, there is a tendency for the rate of speech to increase and for the speakers to feel pressure to get their message out quickly. This is particularly difficult for children who stutter, so it is best to take turns when talking—each person gets an opportunity to speak without fear of being interrupted and without the need to hurry. We demonstrate this in our own speech by not interrupting Jonas (a part of pausing between speaker turns) and by managing the talking turns of other children so each child gets their turn to talk.

We also try to reduce overall time pressures by reviewing our daily routines to make sure Jonas’s schedule is not so busy that it does not leave time to talk about his experiences in a slow and unhurried manner. It is certainly good for children to have full and active lives; however, Jonas benefits more from participating in fewer activities that are enjoyed at a slower pace. 

Listen to Content rather than Manner. Stuttering draws attention to itself, so it is not surprising that we might be more likely to hear Jonas’s stuttering, rather than the message he is trying to convey.  Jonas quickly becomes aware of this, and it can increases his sense of shame or embarrassment about his speech even further. To reduce these negative feelings, we try to focus on and respond to Jonas’s message and to "talk about what Jonas talks about." 

Respond to Stuttering in an Accepting Manner. No parent would want their child to have a stuttering problem; however, it is important that we convey complete acceptance of Jonas, including acceptance of his stuttering. Jonas’s self-esteem and self-acceptance are highly dependent upon the acceptance of others, particularly us. If we convey the message that stuttering is bad, or something to be ashamed of, then it is more likely that Jonas will believe that he is bad. As a result, his shame will increase. Importantly, it is Jonas's negative reactions to stuttering that determines whether he will be handicapped by his speech, not the number of disfluencies he produces. In treatment, Jonas learns to be more fluent; however, he will not be successful if he developes negative attitudes about himself and his speech.

Some Helpful Tips

Speaking More Slowly and Using Pauses. Learning to speak slowly can be quite challenging, both for children and adults. Many people are accustomed to a fast rate of speech, (I'm guilty of this) and we slower speech feels unnatural. The best way we've found to practice slower speech is to begin just 5 minutes per day, during a simple structured activity such as reading a child’s book. (Dr. Seuss books are our favorite.) The key to talking slowly is to use pauses, between words and between phrases. For example (the dots indicate pauses approximately 1 second long):

" One fish…….two fish………red fish…….blue fish."
" Mr. Brown can moo………Can you?………He can go "MOOOO."

After practicing a slower rate and pausing when reading, we can begin to use this strategy in conversational speech. One of the best examples of how to do this is Fred Rogers of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. Watching Mr. Rogers on television can also help us become more comfortable with a slower speaking rate.

Managing Turn-Taking. Another challenging strategy is learning to use structured turn-taking. We help everyone learn to take turns when talking by playing simple and familiar games such as "Go Fish" or "Hi-ho Cherry-O." By highlighting the way that players are taking turns, we can gently direct Jonas’s attention to turn-taking rules that will facilitate his fluency in conversational speech.

Treat Stuttering Like Any Other Behavior. People are often confused about what to say when Jonas stutters, particularly following a tense or long disfluency. We were initially told not to draw attention to Jonas’s stuttering for fear that this will make the stuttering worse. We feel that a better approach is to treat stuttering just like any other difficulty Jonas may experience when learning a difficult task (e.g., learning to skip or ride a bicycle). We use his own style to encourage him and to build confidence about speaking. This also helps bring stuttering into the open so Jonas will feel more comfortable talking about it and expressing his own feelings of fear and frustration.

Cheers!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

A Great Day!

I'm thrilled to say that Jonas had a great week at school. 4 days, 4 smiley faces from the teacher and a reward from her "Great Week!" basket of goodies. Phew! As a reward at home, he got to play video games on the Wii for a hour or so this morning before we headed out.


After a week of being on edge, we all needed some down time today so we didn't schedule anything except picking up some groceries. After a trip to the local Farmer's Market and the grocery store, we had lunch and then sent Jonas outside to play. The sun was shining and it was the perfect day for him and the neighbourhood kids to make their own adventures. I spent the afternoon sitting in our big comfy chair, listening to them and taking the occasional picture.

Here is a photographic recap of what Jonas calls "A great day"

They started with a bike ride around the neighbourhood.
(Mom even got "cool" points for putting a chain back on all by herself!)
Then went to the store to get rootbeer and donuts
for "The Cool Boys Club",  which apparently meets in our backyard.
When they were done they built a fort using lawn chairs and a blanket.
The fort wasn't big enough for all of them so they put up the old tent in the sandbox.
Then they moved the donut feast there.
(The Scouter in me can't resist reminding everyone:
NEVER camp in a tent that has ever had food in it!)
Since the are boys after all, it didn't take long for them to start wrestling in the tent.

When the play-fighting got a little out of hand, they moved on to playing on the swings.
Next they divided themselves into teams "Skins" and "Shirts" and had a neighbourhood water fight.
The water fight got a little broad so they start chasing each other on their scooters,
as Dad tried to read his book while BBQing dinner.
They finished their day together by begging for a sleepover in the tent.
We said we'd do that another night but agreed to leave the tent up for tomorrow.
After the sun went down and the street lights came on it was time to come in.
Jonas's best four-legged friend, Macaroni, was waiting, after watching him through the window all day.
Finally it was time for my little ninja to and get ready for bed and read with Mom.
Those socks were brand new this morning. Boys!
My favourite part of every day!

What a great day!
Cheers!