Let the Changes Begin!

One of the most important things on the Baby Blanchard Action Plan is preparing Jonas for our new family member, and trying to keep things as "normal" as possible for him. We don't want him to feel pushed aside or like he has to sacrifice crucial things in his life. It's putting added pressure onto this pre-school year planning period for the Blanchard family. Juggling school, tutoring, speech therapy, Cubs, Beavers and, oh yeah, family, can be tricky at the best of times but this year we're going to have to learn to play it by ear more than we've become accustomed. 

One of the keys to consistency for Jonas is going to be his involvement in Scouts. It's just so overwhelmingly good for him to be active in the Cub Scout program. Click here for imformation about the Scouts Canada Cub Scout Program:

http://www.scouts.ca/ca/programs/cub-scouts 

One of the things we're considering is switching him for our group in Pickering in one closer to home. It's going to be a big change and doing it at the beginning of the year, well before the baby arrives, will hopefully give him time to settle into his new group before his life turns a sideways at home. Moving to group near home will not only help us coordinate our week nights a bit easier, it will allow Steve to play a more active role in Jonas's involvement in Scouts. Hopefully it will mean less gaps in Jonas's participation this year, when Scouter Mom is going to play less of a role.

Finding a group is a little easier for us because I know many of the leaders, but the trick is going to be finding a group that Jonas feels comfortable with. Like any organization, every Scout group has it's own character. We're going to visit a few of the groups in our area and see what he thinks before making a decision. We were very fortunate to join an amazing group when we started (Thank you 9th Pickering!) and I have no doubt that we'll have the same luck with this temporary switch. 

So, for the benefit of anyone who isn't involved in Scouts but is considering it, I thought I'd share a key resource in our search for a new group. Scouts Canada has lots of wonderful groups and their "Find a Group" application is a great way to start to to find groups in your area. You can find by clicking this link:

https://www.myscouts.ca/ca/netforum_locator/search



Scouts Canada has a fantastic program and lots of wonderful groups.
You can find one by clicking here:
https://www.myscouts.ca/ca/netforum_locator/search



Cheers!

Skateboard Recycling

This is what happens when we don't supervise Jonas's chores. Well, actually this is a new one. Recycling meets Indoor Skateboarding. Moments later he decided it would be a good idea to ride down the hallway with the recycling. In that split second, the recycling bin dumped, he went one way and the skateboard the other. Thankfully his head bounced off the wall instead of going through it and the board hit the lower metal part of the screen door rather than the glass. phew. Cheers!

Wordless Wednesday: ADHD Lego

The Chatter Box

As I type, it's Sunday morning at 10:40 am. We've all been up since about 6:30 am. The day started with the promise of a relatively peaceful morning. It has been. Sort of. If you make allowences for my selective hearing.

You see, we haven't been giving Jonas his ADHD meds during summer vacation because he needs to gain some weight.  The result is that he is eating well. He's also a bundle of non-stop noise and movement. He hasn't stopped talking for more more than about 6 seconds, two or three times so far today. I kid you not.

It can be frustrating sometimes, when, for example, you're asking him to stop jumping on the couch for the sixtieth time in an hour. Of when you realize that you just missed something important that he slipped in between the video game play by play comentary. In other words, we need to have our best patience and understanding mustered for days like this.

So far, so good. Wish me luck!

It makes me shiver at the thought of sending him to school unmedicated.

Cheers!

This Boy's Life

There's been another gap in my blogging so I thought I'd pop in today with a little update. The past week or so has been mostly about the boy and two very big events in his life - his 9th birthday and his summer vacation.

July 5th was Jonas's 9th birthday. He and I spent the day together at Chuckie Cheese and then we had a special birthday dinner with Steve. And by special, I mean Kraft Dinner, Jonas's all-time favourite. I didn't ever try to sneak in any veggies!

"Kraft Dinner DOES NOT go with vegetables, Mom!"

This past Sunday was his birthday party. All his Grandparents were there, along with his Aunt, Uncles, cousin and his best friends. We tricked him and told him we were having his party at the local beach. What we actually did was surprise him at a local indoor amusement park with bowling, go-karting, rock climbing, roller coaster, bouncy castle and arcarde. All the kids seemed to love it!

Strategizing with Leah

That's clearly a violation, but everyone was having such a great time together
that nobody even noticed!

Blowing out the candles

After the party, Jonas went home with his Aunt Anne and Uncle Michael. He and his cousin Aidan were very excited about having a sleepover together and by all reports, it was a blast. They hit the beach on the way home and had one of Uncle Michael's special breakfast feasts.

Playing at the beach with Aidan and Uncle Michael

He's spending the rest of the week with his Grandma and Grandpa Blanchard. Meanwhile, Steve and I have the house to ourselves and are trying to use the time to sort through the miriad of stuff that has collected over the year. We're going to meet them all at Sandbanks Provincial Park on Saturday morning and then he'll come home with us for a couple of weeks before he heads off again with his Nana.

So, next week is really week one of Summer vacation for us. His big buddy Aaron is going to babysit in the mornings and we're hoping that he's going to go to camp in the afternoons. Cross your fingers for us!

Cheers!

p.s. - extra special thanks to my sister-in-law Anne for the amazing pictures!

All's Well That End's Well



Grade 3 is over for Jonas and summer vacation is underway. We found these little surprises in his backpack when we cleared it out. His teacher gave him the "Top Notch Award" for all his hard work and improvement over the year, and his classmates voted for him to win the class "Kindest" award. I'd say these are a pretty good indication that it was a successful year. All's well that end's well!

Cheers!

If that's Grade Three, he's done it!

Before the First Day:

After the Last Day:

End of the Year Report Card Day

As I write this, I am sitting at my desk at work, having just hung up from one of the best conversations I've ever had. You see, today was report card day at Jonas's school. When I dropped him off this morning, he was a little hesitant about what his marks would be like. I reassured him that his Dad and I weren't at all nervous about it, and that we both expected that he'd do just fine. I reminded him that we've worked closely with his teacher all year, that we've seen every test and assignment, his daily reports, etc. I also reminded him that he's worked hard and done his best all year long and that's what really matters. Mom's words are hard to hear, though, when you've got a lump in your throat and an ache in your tummy.

He called as soon as he and Steve had a chance to look at it, which I gather was in the truck before they even left the parking lot. I could hear the pride in his voice as soon as he started reading off every mark. They were mostly Bs and Cs, punctuated with B+s in Science and Social Studies, and an A- in Math. He was a little quiet when he told me about the D+ in Music, but we knew this coming. He doesn't have some Bart Simpson-like bad attitude but, rather, it turns out that when he's in Music class, he's more like Bart's sister Lisa in the opening sequence of the show. He's got the music in him and it just has to come out with it's own flair. Sheet music and Conductor be damned!  LOL!

I'm thrilled for him. He worked hard this year. It was a team effort but he did it. We had moments when we thought he was going to go down the path of hating school and frankly, we were right there with him once in a while. He didn't give up and even found some things along the way that he thought were cool enough to explore on his own outside of school.

Of course, his teachers deserve HUGE accolades. He was blessed to have a teacher who really gets ADHD, speech disfluency and little boys. Mrs. G was just the teacher we needed this year. Her understanding, patience and experience were truly blessings for us. All of the staff at the school are outstanding and for us, this year, Mrs. G was like the team captain who kept everyone on the same page in the playbook. We got her and the staff some token thank you gifts but we'll never be able to adequately express how grateful we are for them.

Cheers!

Wordless Wednesday - The Best Day at School EVER!

Yesterday was Play Day at Jonas school. I made the mistake of asking him about it at bedtime last night. Queue the instant non-stop, vivid descriptions and animations. I'm pretty sure he was still talking about it after he fell asleep. This morning he picked up right where he left off. In honour of Wordless Wednesday, I'll let the smile on his face tell you story. Cheers!

"Mom, I wish school could be like that every day!"

Wordless Wednesday: Priceless Accomplishment

Jonas is very proud that he's earned four Merit Badges now!
Scouts is a wonderful for youth to build their self esteem.
The experience of doing their best, and the joy of accomplishment that comes along with it, are priceless.

The Other Half of the Glass - School Progress Report Part 2

The discouraging things we realized about Jonas's school life last week kind of overshadowed the positive stuff so today is about celebrating what's going well. We need to look at the glass as half full and not half empty!

• He's doing much better since we changed the dosage of his medication. He's more focused and less emotional, which is making it easier for his teachers to talk through his frustrations with him. It's also helping him with his bi-weekly tutoring sessions!
• He's starting to realize the importance of his education, which I think means that it's starting to matter to him how well he does. This is a mixed blessing when his expectations are too high, but it's better than him not caring at all. He's actually starting to remember his homework without us asking to ask and calrify and check the agenda, etc. We still double check and remind him but it's great to see him taking this responsibility.
• He's getting better at conflict resolution with his peers. At the beginning of the year he was constantly in conflict with the other kids, would get quite emotional and just run away. Now he's starting to listen more and trying to understand the other person's point of view, while insisting that they listen to him too. Now he only seems to turn away from them when he feels that they aren't letting him speak.
• He's starting to make friends at school, albeit with younger kids. His teachers say that he plays very well with them and thinks it may actually be helping his self-confidence and sense of responsibility.
• He is a very creative thinker, who always comes up with a unique perspective for his assignments. He's starting to add detail to his work and really elaborating on his thoughts and ideas.
• He's really enjoying the hands-on science that they're now doing. Inventing things, testing things, coming up with new ideas, etc. He's loving it!
• He's starting to take to using the computer as a learning tool, rather than just for playing games and watching videos. They just introduced him to spell check and his keyboarding is getting better. This could be a key tool for him in the future.
• His teachers see that despite his increasing frustration with tests and marks, "his self confidence is starting to flourish." He doesn't immediately discount his ideas and he's speaking up more often during class discussions, due in part, I'm sure, to the respectful patience his teachers insist upon when he is trying to speak.

We're on a waiting list for speech language service and occupational therapy at the Grandview Children's Centre, and we're working with the school to continue exploring new strategies and to get his IEP formalized. This is the stuff we need to build on as we address the stuff that's on the other list. It's a long road that we're on and it's easy to get discouraged. We know that we have to stay positive though and keep trying to find way forward. The glass really is half full!

Cheers!

School Progress Report Time Part 1

When Jonas brought home his report card, he wasn't eager to show it to us. He didn't hide it, he just left it for us to discover on our own. It wasn't in the envelope when we found it and a quick scan revealed why he might have preferred us not to see it. The scale on this report isn't number marks but "Needs Improvement", "Satisfactory", "Good" and "Excellent." All but one of his marks were "Satisfactory". The lone mark, his Science and Technology mark,  usually his best subject, showed "Needs Improvement". While he's never had only one "NI" before, he's also never not had any "Good" marks before. He was teary eyed when he told me that his marks were the worst in the class. I hugged him, kissed his head, and asked him if he's trying his best.  "Yeah, but it's terrible. Just terrible."  It broke my heart.

Steve and I were looking forward to meeting with his teachers to get some feedback and try to help him chart a more positive course ahead. Imagine our disappointment when we realized that this term, Jonas's school decided to replace Parent - Teacher interviews with student-led Student - Parent conferences, which would be moderated by the teacher. We wouldn't get any one-on-one time with the teachers this round but it would be a chance for him to show off his accomplishments. We can talk to the teachers any time so we changed our expectations for the night and went in looking forward to letting him show us what he's done so far this year.

We weren't sure what to expect but what an eye opener it was!  Of course, we doted on his strengths and accomplishments, praising him for his efforts and improvement, and he delighted in showing us the stuff he's proud of. He also expressed considerable frustration and discouragement about the stuff he's struggling with, almost coming to tears a few times as he pulled something out. "Please don't look at this one" came out of his mouth more than a couple of times.

The night shed more light on the challenges he's facing and exactly how far behind he his from where he "should" be:

• The night began with a very nervous Jonas introducing us to his teacher. (Yes, we've already met but these conferences we as much about teaching the kids a bit about public speaking as they were about us finding out how he's doing in school.) Presentations have always been a battle nerves for Jonas, and it would seem that talking to mom and dad in the classroom setting is no different. One consequence of him getting nervous is that his speech disfluency is more pronounced and he has a harder time saying what he's trying to say.  His teacher is committed to giving him enough time in the class room to finish his thoughts but it's impacting his performance in presentations because he cuts himself short out of frustration and embarrassment. The upside is that the kids in his class do not pick on him for the way he speaks and stand up for him when anyone outside their class does.
• His handwriting is a mess. He's been officially diagnosed with a learning disorder called "dysgraphia" so seeing his work wasn't entirely a surprise. What was a bit of a shock was seeing how pervasive this challenge is for him. Illegible writing, a mixture of upper and lower case letters, no spacing between words or letters, no regard for the borders of the page, writing on random pages.... He's a smart kid who's full of wonderful thoughts and ideas but he can't get them out on the paper. This is doubly challenging given his speech disfluency. One of the strategies for dealing with his speech issues is writing things down so he can read them, but....
• Jonas has a hard time concentrating and staying focused, including reading instructions on tests and assignments. All of his tests have started great on the first few questions and then gone down from there. Staying focused requires a great amount of effort, as does writing or typing the answers. When those two things are on-track, it slows down the entire process. The answers may come out right but he runs out of time and starts to rush. He's getting frustrated with this and his marks are getting progressively worse with each test. He's aware that the other kids are getting better marks than him and that adds to the pressure he puts on himself. It's a vicious circle.
• He's having a hard time grasping concepts in math, science and language. His teachers say it's like he gets lost in the middle of lessons, activities and independent practice time.
• He has trouble making friends with kids his own age. He's not as mature as they are, doesn't think the same way, doesn't pick up on social cues and requires a lot more patience than they can muster. The result is that he thinks the other kids in his class don't like him and don't want to play with him.  Sadly, he may be right. They're all for playing with him when he's got a toy or treat to share, but when he wants to join them, in a soccer game for example, it's a completely different story.
• His teacher describes him as a wonderful boy, with a lot of creativity and enthusiasm. She says the only thing that frustrates her is that he's stubborn as all get out and his ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) gets the better of him some days. He doesn't listen and doesn't think things through, especially when his self-confidence needs a boost, like immediately after recess and lunch.

Despite the discouragement we felt walking out of the school that night, we were also bolstered by the fact that his teachers are patient and understanding. They are all trying to maintain a healthy balance between helping and accommodating his challenges, and teaching him personal responsibility for the things that are within his control. He is doing better in a lot of areas and he's also motivated to do better.  Now we just need to work on shifting his focus from away from the marks he or the other kids get and back onto the effort he puts in. That and continuing to fight for the support services he needs both inside and outside the classroom.

Cheers!

Wordless Wednesday: He's on a Roll!

We changed the dosage of  Jonas's ADHD medication last week. Wednesday November 2nd marked Day One.
Early indications were that it was a positive change: a smiley face from his teacher as a report on his day.

He was very proud to arrive home on Thursday and Friday with smiley faces. They made three in a row.
Even though he missed out on a reward at school, praise was heaped on at school and at home.

Two more so far this week. That's five  - and five good days of school - in a row.
WOOHOO!!

The Math Test

When I got home yesterday, Steve and Jonas already had dinner in the oven. I LOVE that! There was still at least 30 minutes of baking time left so, instead of having to rush around the kitchen, I got to sit down with a glass of wine and ask them about their days.

Jonas was clearly not happy. When I asked him about his big math test, he said he didn't want to talk about it, and kept focused on the drawing he was working on. With a tiny bit of prodding he told me sadly "I got a stinking D on it!". He clearly didn't want to talk about it anymore so I continued the conversation with Steve, who had already reviewed the test with him. He told me that Jonas actually did pretty well on the test. He got 13 out of 20, but he lost 5 marks on one question, which he had trouble understanding. The two of them reviewed that concept after school and he's got a good grasp on it now. "So, one thing he didn't understand and a couple of little mistakes. No big deal" said Steve.

"Yeah, right" said Jonas, with the beginnings of a tiny little smile creeping into his pout. "Did you have enough time?" I asked. No answer from Jonas. "He said he did" replied Steve. "He did a good job. He just made a few tiny mistakes." I went over to Jonas, who was standing with his back to us, and wrapped my arms around him in a huge hug. I whispered into his ear and asked if he tried his best. "Yeah" he said with his head hanging.  "Then I'm very proud of you." I gave him a kiss on the forehead, which immediately turned that little smile into a big one and started him talking about the rest of his day.

The conversation turned into a long one, with each of us sharing the highlights and low-lights of our day. When the pasta was finally finished baking, we decided to eat in front of the tv and watch a movie. I hate doing that as a regular routine, but when we've had a chance to download and share the stories of our days, like we did last night, I don't mind it at all.

Last night we watched the Tim Allen movie "Zoom". It's about kids who have superpowers and are called upon to save the world. One of the things I love about it is that kids are all different from everyone else and that is something that they have a hard time dealing with. In the end, they are each celebrated for those differences, which I think is just awesome! It also contains this gem of a song that we've added to Jonas's MP3 player:

"The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World

(Click on the link to listen to one of our new theme songs at Casa del Blanchard)

Cheers!

Would You Please Sit Still!

One of the things that is awesome about Jonas how how totally and completely engaged he can become. A lot of the time, he gets completely plugged in, both mentally and physically. Energy simply oozes out of him and that translates into creativity, enthusiasm and optimism. It's a double edged sword though, because it can also be a hindrance. When he was first diagnosed with ADHD, we couldn't see the link between what was going on in his brain and what was happening with his body. Sure, it was easy to tell that he was hyperactive, but like many people who are uneducated about these conditions, we thought that his physical movements meant that he wasn't focusing mentally, and we believed that it was simply a matter of discipline to "fix it." (Looking back now, I think "Duh!")

Like most kids with ADHD, two of the things that are big challenges for Jonas are being still and being quiet. It has something to do with the dopamine levels in his brain but I don't understand the science of ADHD nearly well enough to write about it yet. What I do know is that he is always talking and always moving. Whether it's a tapping foot, chewing on a pencil, crawling on the floor, bouncing up and down on a couch, or literally trying to climb the walls, he simply can't sit still. It can be frustrating, but the reality is that he can't help it. His body is simply wired to always be "ON". 

We have a tough time dealing with this at home, at Scouts, and in other social settings, but the biggest conflict comes in the school setting. We've come to realize that Jonas learns best when he's on the move. Unfortunately, that can be a distraction for other students if it isn't managed well.  At home, where he's a got a few less restrictions in that regard, he is all over the place, especially when he's learning. Homework and reading time usually mean moving from a chair, to standing beside the couch, to laying on the floor, to squatting on the desk, and this morning we had a new one - kneeling on the kitchen counter to read.

Kneeling on the counter reading a magazine.
He's a whole body learner and worker!

I was upset when a young man with ADHD was let go from our company a few weeks ago because he couldn't sit at his desk and focus on his work long enough to get the job done. A friend told me that I'm getting ahead of the situation, but it made me worry about Jonas's future. While that scenario is something that would be way down the road for us, we are dealing with some of the early reprecussions of it right now. On the OT referral form we recieved this week, his core teacher noted that he "prefers to stand to do his work." (She said it's actually one of the ways she can tell that he's dialled in.) Thankfully, she has made accomodations for him in the classroom, and allows him to stand at his desk to work, and also allows him movement breaks, as long as he doesn't disturb the other students while he's doing it. (i.e. Walking around the class is fine but putting on a one-man-band dance party, not so much.)  Some of his other teachers have not been so accomodating and we expect that situation will repeat itself in the future. We know we have to be proactive about getting the help he needs to learn to manage these symptoms. Telling him to "Sit still!" simply won't work and punishing him for it only erodes his self-esteem.

One of the key things we are pursuing is Occupational Therapy. We finally got the request forms home from the school this week, after fighting for it for the past year. HOORAY!!  We also got a great referral for private treatment, and are very hopeful that the wait lists won't be too long. Cross your fingers with us, ok?

Cheers!

Struggling at School

Our experience with school this year has been filled with clouds and rainbows.

It's been a somewhat distressing week. It feels like there's a big black rain cloud hanging over us. We've been working very hard on things at home and this week was a good one, even with two nights of homework. At the same time, Jonas has had a rough week at school and we're are at a loss about what do to about it. We know how tough the teacher's jobs are and also that he's not the only kid in the class. It's a great school but we feel like he's falling through the cracks and that they are increasingly looking to us to resolve the challanges he's having there.

On Wednesday his Science teacher kept him in at lunch to time to write out the school's Code of Conduct. While we're not opposed to him receiving consequences for disrupting class, we've got two concerns about this remedy. First of all, he needs his free time outside to run around in the fresh air. Predictably, his afternoon was worse than the morning and I suspect that a big part of reason why is because he didn't get that break. The second issue we have is that the teacher effectively used handwriting as a punishment. Jonas is still far behind where the average Grade Three student should be in terms of his handwriting. It's something that we're working on and it is a HUGE struggle. If it's used as a consequence he'll very likely lose what little motivation he has to keep trying to improve.

He lost his star again yesterday because, as the note from the teacher said, "Jonas has to learn to use the washroom during recess rather than class time." I'm giving the teacher the benefit of the doubt that this was immediately after recess and not sometime between recess and lunch or the end of school. (Frankly, if he has to go then he has to go.) ADHD means that he gets hyperfocused sometimes and does not realize that he has to go until it's an emergency. I do understand how frustrating that is, however, simply punishing the behaviour we don't want and telling him to learn doesn't do him any good. If we want him learn, we have to teach him and help him develop better habits. We've suggested that he go at the beginning of recess but we know full well that isn't going to happen unless he's reminded. (If he doesn't listen to the reminder, or argues about it, that's a different story.)

So, the condumdrum is what to do next.

We kept him home from Cub Scouts last night because he had a week full of late nights, he's fighting a cold and he had homework. We told him that he wasn't being punished for what happed at school because it's important that we not double up on the consequences when he's already faced them at school. We also talked to him about things he can try to make things better at school - like listening to the teachers who are trying to help him, going to the washroom at the beginning of recess, keeping his water bottle on his desk so he remembers to drink it, etc. He had a great night, went to bed a little early and woke up feeling physically worse but in better spirits.

After pondering it for a day, we sent a note in his agenda today asking his Science teacher for more details about what happened in class on Wednesday and asking for a meeting with her. We sent another note asking his core teacher to help him develop better washroom habits by giving the entire class a general reminder that recess is the time to go. We also left a message for the school SERT teacher to ask if what else we could do to keep the ball rolling.

The SERT teacher called me this morning and we had a long talk. This is what we've come up with for an immediate action plan:

• She followed-up today with the School District's Speech and Language team and they confirmed that he went back on the waiting list for speech therapy after his last session in January. There's now about a 2 year wait for another block of therapy.  His speech is affecting him academically and socially so we're again look into private treatment and trying to find something that's covered under Steve's benefits plan.
• She has completed another asssessment of his handwriting and determined that he is still far behing where he should be. His letters are still very big, a mixture of upper and lower case and with little to no space between words. 
• She is TODAY filling out a request form for occupational therapy and will send it home tonight for us to sign. (I thought this was done last year but neither school followed through- argh!) There's about a one year waiting list for that.
• She has given him a popsicle stick that he's going to decorate and use when he is writing to keep spaces between his words.
• She's going to send home a list of websites that will help Jonas with his keyboarding skills. His hand writing is still way behind where it should be but he's a hunt and peck typer so though his work is legible, it often takes just as long to get done.
• She's talked to his teachers and they're open to using different tools for assignments in which his handwriting isn't being assessed. We can have him type his written homework on the computer and print it out or he can dictate it to us and we can print or type it for him. It needs to be his words though and he needs to do the capitals, punctuation, grammer, etc.  They are also going to give him more computer time at school.
• His core teacher is going to start using some voice technology contraption so that he can do more of his tests orally instead of written.
• We are looking into getting him an excercise ball or special seat cushion that will help him keep moving while he's sitting. That may add to the benefits they've already discovered by allowing him to stand at his desk when he feels he needs to.
• She also told me that if we ever realize that he's fogotten his meds she said we should call the school and give them the heads up so they can adjust and "not come down on him too hard."  I"m not sure how I feel about this one. Yup, I totally get the "let us know" thinking about it worries me nontheless.

I'm still feeling overwhelmed but I think I can see a rainbow through the clouds.

Cheers!

Negative Nelly Learns a Lesson

Steve and I were a little uneasy about our conversation with Jonas's pediatrician on Tuesday. The upside is that we took a few more steps forward in our understanding of Jonas and how to better face the challenges we're all dealing with. On the other hand, it was another eye opener into the immense complexity of world we're now a part of. In a word, it was overwhelming.

"Most parents are good parents. But if your son or daughter has attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD), "good" may not be enough. To ensure that your child is happy and well-adjusted now and in the future—and to create a tranquil home environment
—you've got to be a great parent."

-ADDitude Magazine

We read an article in the waiting room that basically said that parents of kids with ADHD have to be exceptional for their kids to be successful in life. To say we were discouraged by that would be an understatement. Luckily Dr. Saunderson bolstered our confidence and gave us back our hope. We both woke up yesterday determined to make things go more smoothly around here. Our life truly is a team effort and, in our minds, yesterday was going to be a fresh start. My mom would pick Jonas after school, Steve would be home by dinner time, and I would be home in time to read with Jonas before bed.

As Steve got ready for an early morning at work, I went into Super Mom mode. I made breakfasts, lunches and a crock-pot dinner that would be ready when everyone got home. I had my patience cape on as I guided Jonas through eating his breakfast, getting dressed, brushing his teeth, and packing his backpack. I even managed to squeeze in a few minutes for a little pep talk before I dropped him off at school.

As I drove to work, I was feeling pretty proud of myself. Our fresh start was on the right track but, as they say, pride goeth before the fall. As I poured myself a cup of  coffee at the office, I realized that I forgot to give Jonas his medication. I sent him to school unmedicated, tired from a late night and excited about seeing his Nana. Since there was nothing I could do about it, I fought the urge to bang my head on desk and then crawl under it to hide. I spent the rest of the day with a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Waiting. Hoping. Cringing.

When I called at dinner time to check-in, Steve told me that Jonas had a bad day at school. The note from his teacher said something to the effect of "Jonas was very disruptive in class today so he missed part of his playtime at lunch to write out the school's Code of Conduct, to reflect on his behaviour and what he can do to make things better." Ouch! I spent the rest of the night at our Beaver Scouts meeting with a little part of my brain wondering how everything going at home, worried that things might be off the rails. More often than I'd like to admit, we let a bad moment steamroll into an on-going struggle where everyone ends up upset and in tears.

Counter to my Negative Nelly thinking, Steve and Jonas were both all smiles when I got home. Even though my mother guilt insisted on assuming the day had been an epic fail, and that the entire day had been a downward spiral, the team recovered just fine. Maybe, just maybe, I need to cut us all some slack and realize that everything isn't ever going to be perfect. We're all going to make mistakes and things are going to go wrong. BUT, if we work together, and stay positive, it doesn't have to be the end of the world.  Kudos to my wonderful husband, mom and son for proving that to me last night. Lesson learned.

Cheers!

Thankful Tuesday: One Family's Hero

The FP Rescue Heroes have always been one Jonas' favourites toys
but none can hold a candle to his real life pediatrician.

This week, I'd like to express my extreme gratitude for Jonas's pediatrician, Dr. Saunderson. She's AWESOME!! Since the day he was born, she's always made time for us when we have questions or concerns, and has never once made us feel inadequate as parents even when we felt like we were. She's a gift from heaven, I'd say.

We met with her today to talk about Jonas's ADHD. This was an important review for all of us. It's been about 10 months since he was diagnosed and about 8 since he started his medication. Today we mostly talked about how we're all coping and came up with some new strategies to move forward. There have been a lot of changes in since November, some better, some worse and all evolving. The medication has been helping but it's a mixed blessing and not a magical cure. (And no, we never expected it to be.) It's one one small part of an equation that includes parenting, nutrition, sleep, exercise, teaching strategies, classroom accommodations, his own self-development and, of course, the village. It's like an on-going experiment to figure out what the challenges are what the best strategies are to manage them. 

ADHD isn't often a stand alone diagnosis, and it isn't with Jonas either. Although the core symptoms of ADHD are inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity, many children with ADHD have co-morbid conditions (What a yucky term!) In addition to his combined type ADHD (he has all three classic characteristics), Jonas has symptoms of LD (Learning Disabilities), anxiety, depression, ODD and eating disorders. Add to those a family history of chronic depression, anxiety, and learning disabilities and these quickly become very real fears for us. Diagnosis and treatment are slow processes, so these fears loom out there on the near horizon, keeping us on edge.

Dr. Saunderson is fantastic with Jonas but he isn't only him that is her patient, it's our family. It's fair to say that we get overwhelmed sometimes. We get confused, worry and doubt our parenting skills. We get mad, we get sad and we cry. Dr. Saunderson gets all that. She gives us her time, her ear and her experience and I will be forever grateful!

Cheers!

Wordless Wednesday: 3.5 Hour Homework Session




The assignment: Discovered in backpack on Tuesday morning.
Note that it should have came home a week ago and was due back yesterday.
No notes in the agenda about it except  one last week that said "bring paper".



Cut and paste took about an hour and a half, even with three of us helping to rip out pages of magazines
so he could find and cut out the pictures he wanted a little easier.



We interrupted homework for dinner and it wasn't any more pleasant. than homework time.
Meal time has become another battle front for us, not because of picky eating but because of lack of appetite.

Time to write a description of the pictures he cut and pasted to make his collages.

3 hours later, including a dinner break, and they were done.

We didn't worry about spelling or handwriting.
It was enough for one night.

Finally it was time for one of our favourite parts of the day:
Independent reading and story time.

Dr. Seuss and Scaredy Squirrel made it fun tonight

Demonstrating Scaredy Squirrel's fail-safe back-up plan to play dead.

Three different reading locations and one acted-out scene later, and all's well that ends well.

Great Meeting with the Teacher!

Wanting to start the year off with good communication with the school, Steve and I scheduled a meeting with Jonas's new teacher on Thursday after school. We originally set-up babysitting so he and I could go alone but his teacher asked that he attend as well. We had mixed emotions about that. We want him to be an equal partner in his education but by 4:30pm his meds are wearing off and he starts to go off the rails. Steve and I were both worried that we'd spend the meeting trying to manage his behaviour instead of talking with the teacher.

With a lot of deep breaths, we headed into the school not quite sure what to expect. The fact that he came home with a note saying that he got very little done in math class that day made me really start to dread hearing what else she had to say. Sitting at the little table in the back of the class in those tiny chairs flashed me back to waiting outside the Principal's office when I was a kid.

We needn't have worried. It went really well despite that fact that he was bouncing off the walls - and slithering around on the floor like a snake.

His new teacher is Mrs. G. We were immediately put at ease when she told us that she did her Masters Degree in Education on kids with ADHD, and that her now 24 year old son was diagnosed with ADD with he was 6. We were also relieved when she said Jonas's behaviour that night was not something they usually see in school. Phew! He does have his moments but she's not overly concerned with his behaviour as long as we all work together to monitor it and help him learn to self-regulate.

She met us with a highlighted copy of our letter in hand. We went through it together, adressing each issue point by point, elaborating on many, as well as touching on some that weren't covered in the letter. She had a lot of great ideas and suggestions for both school and home. Here are the main ones:

• He's allowed to stand up at his desk to do his work, as long as he's not distrubing the other students.
• She keeps a huge staff of sharpened pencils at her desk so he doesn't need to get caught up with the pencil sharpener.
• She loves free time and hates homework. She'd rather cut a little play time during the day to get things done so that it doesn't have to go home. She will only send uncompleted work home if he wastes an excessive amount of time that will really impact his freetime. His only regular daily homework is 30 minutes of independant reading.
• She doesn't like spelling lists. She prefers to catch spelling errors in their every day work. She doesn't correct their errors but teaches them to use a dictionary to look up the words. (If they're really off, she'll give them the first three letters.)
• She is starting a "Homework Club". Jonas and a few other kids who are having a hard time with the notes in their agendas will meet with Mrs.G for five minutes afterschool every day to review and make sure their notes are clear and they understand what they mean.
• She's going to remind him to get his water bottle and put it on his desk every morning when he gets his agenda out. He can also have a Boost/Ensure on his desk instead of his water bottle. (Her son had dramatic appetite issues so she gets it.)
• An afterschool tutoring program should be up and running in a few weeks, and he's also going to join the home reading program again as well.
• He can read anything that interests him during independant reading time, as long as it's actual reading and not looking at the pictures and making up stories to go with them. She also gave us a new on-line reading comprehension program to try out.
• They practice telling the time anytime he leaves or arrives in the classroom. (i.e. washroom breaks)
• Jonas is going to join the cross country and guitar clubs, which happen before school and at lunch time.
• Together we're working on teaching him personal responsibility so "The ADHD made me do it!" isn't a valid excuse for anything and neither is "She made me do it!" If he breaks the rules, he loses his star for the day, even if he "was only talking to her because it's rude not to acknowledge when somebody talks to us".
• She has grouped the ADHD students together in the class. (There are 4 of them.) I was worried about them distracting each other but she says it's easier for her to manage their behaviour without drawing attention to them when they sit together. She can simply walk by and place her hand on the desk and all four snap back to attention.
• They are working on code words to help him refocus when he's having a tough time. "Focus" is one that he likes.
• She uses the same techniques to help manage his speech issues as we do and is very sensative to how the other students precieve him. She treats anything that comes up on her watch as a teachable moment and she doesn't tolerate bullying. If anybody gives Jonas a hard time about the way he speaks, he is to tell her so that they can deal with it together.
• He can use a computer at school or at home for homework as long as he keeps practicing his handwriting too.
• She uses a Star Program: A good day of rule following nets them a star at the end of the day, which they can trade in at the end of the week for rewards.
• We're starting to think about the Ontario EQOA Testing in May. He's already nervous about it and there's no way he'll get through it without some formal strategies in place.

We covered a lot of ground in that hour or so. It was so refreshing not to walk out feeling defeated or frustrated. Jonas left the meeting knowing that mom, dad and Mrs. G are a team and on his side. Steve and I left the meeting feeling very relieved that he is in such good hands. Phew!

Cheers!