Friday, September 9, 2011

"Welcome to Our Child" - A Letter to the Teacher



Normally we receive a questionnaire from the school around this time of year, asking us to give them our personal insights into Jonas, to help the new teacher get to know him better and help her understand the classroom accommodations we’re looking for. A big transition like back to school throws many things out of whack and it’s back to the drawing board in some respects. We haven't got one yet and we have a meeting with her next week, so I wrote a letter to the teacher last night, introducing her to the world of Jonas. For the benefit of any reader who’s new the world of ADHD or speech disfluency, I thought I’d share some of the highlights here. It might also help those of who know and love Jonas to better understand his world and his challenges. We’re pretty new to all this as well, and we're still trying to find our way.

The Challenges

Jonas was diagnosed with speech disfluencies at the end of Kindergarten. He was then diagnosed with ADHD in November 2010. He has had the signs and symptoms of both since he started Kindergarten, and they began to impact his school experience beginning in Grade One. We've worked closely with his teachers to try to find ways to manage these conditions more effectively so that he can learn better, fit in better socially, and not be a disruption to the other students.

Jonas’s speech disfluencies can be a tough social challenge for him, especially as he gets older. He has participated in speech therapy through the School Board, as well as privately, and we are hopeful that he will have another block of speech therapy though the Board this year. There are also several strategies that we use at home and at school to continue improving his speech. The other kids seem to get a little less compassionate as they get older. He's starting to get picked on a little more and becoming increasingly self-conscious about how he speaks. 

Jonas’s ADHD symptoms include hyperactivity, inattentiveness and impulsiveness. His fine motor skills are delayed, his handwriting needs a lot of work, and he can also be overly emotional and argumentative. As you can appreciate, these can have a big impact on his learning. For example: He isn’t organized, his non-stop movement and chattering can be a distraction to the other students, he misses important instructions, word problems can be hard for him to follow, and homework time is very often spent in emotional turmoil.

Jonas knows that he has different challenges than a lot of the other kids and it does impact his self esteem, particularly as he gets older. We have worked hard to figure out strategies to manage his speech and ADHD better and to help him fit in with the other kids. There are a million ideas out there and we’re always on the hunt for better ones.

Our Strategies So Far

Medication: Jonas has been on stimulant medication since Christmas break 2011. We find that this medication makes a big improvement in his behaviour, but do have some concerns with it so monitor it with his pediatrician. (We’re committed to keeping the school in the loop if anything changes.) We’re also aware that it is not a magical pill. He’s still an eight year old boy with a lot of academic, social and emotional development in front of him. We explain the medication to him by saying that it helps him be able to stop, think and make smart decisions, but it doesn’t do the stopping, thinking or decision-making for him. That’s up to Jonas, but we’re all here to help him learn how to do that.

Sleep: Thankfully, we are in the minority of ADHD families that do not have sleep issues. That may change as we adjust his medication going forward but for now, we'll take it!

Diet: One of the side effects of Jonas’s medication is that it has decreased his appetite. He also forgets to drink throughout the day. (These may account for some of his emotional responses.) We pack him a healthy lunch, snacks and water every day for school but he often arrives home after school with a full water bottle and a lunch bag that has barely been touched. His teachers have always agreed to let him keep his water bottle on his desk, for example, but I don’t think he ever remembered to do it. We've also asked for his teacher's support in reminding him to eat at snack and lunch time.

Stress Ball: Another thing that helps him control his emotional responses is a stress ball. When he gets emotional at home, we encourage him to squeeze it while taking slow deep breaths. We include one in his school pencil case, and hope that he’d be able to use it at school again this year. (He knows it isn’t a toy and will be taken away if used as one.)  He’s still learning how to use it and benefits greatly from reminders when he’s really upset.

Managing Transitions: Jonas doesn’t do well with transitions. Whether it’s back to school, moving from math class to gym, or the end of the lunch period, he manages best with a clear schedule and reminders that transitions are coming. Letting him start something that he obviously won’t be able to finish in the time he has can be tough and last minute changes like a new teacher or postponing an event or reward can cause upset. We have a daily schedule posted on a the fridge at home. His daily schedule at school is also posted in the classroom.

Learning Breaks and Distractions: Chunking work into sections and allowing him a break between them works better for Jonas that trying to force him to focus on something for a long time. Jonas is now taking a doodle pad to school, to use when he’s completed his work and ready for a break or for when others are not yet finished. It will help keep him from distracting the rest of the class when he’s done. (Caution needed here: Racing through his work is a problem and isn’t something we want to encourage.) He has a hard time staying on task but an even harder time when he has no defined task. Using the creative side of his brain is also a good break for him while doing more analytical work.

Daily Agenda: Another tool we love is the daily agenda. It helps him to organize what needs to be done, take ownership of his responsibilities and it helps us understand what is required of him so that we can help him with reminders. (The pocket in the front is also a great way for us to send paperwork back and forth!) Sometimes he needs just a little more detail in the notes he writes in there though. For example, this week there has been a note every day about a book for independent reading but it wasn’t clear to us or him what that meant. By the time he got home, he forgot what it was he was supposed to do. Was he supposed to bring a book home from school to read at night, read any book at home at night, or bring a book from home to read at school during the day? He couldn’t remember. We know that the teacher won’t always have time to write individual notes but if there is any way she could help him put more detail in his notes, we’d be eternally grateful.


Individual Education Plan:  One of the things that worked very well for Jonas last year was an IEP, or individual education plan. Although we don't want to change the curriculum, we need to recognize that the format of teaching and testing doesn't always work for his learning. Two of the biggest factors were changing his testing format and combining homework.

Changing his testing format from written to oral in non-writing subjects like math was a huge help. Before we made the switch, he was falling behind in subjects not because of the concepts but because of his handwriting. We do a similar thing with homework sometimes, allowing him to type things out on the computer when he's already had a big day of writing. We don't want to avoid handwriting, just not overwhelm him with it and allow it to hold him back.

Combing his homework has also been very successful. Last year, his reading homework, for example, was always related to his other subjects. He read about the human body, for instance, to reinforce his learning in Science class. We also do extra work at home every day on his fine motor skills. Practicing his weekly spelling lists or doing cut and paste for art class are great ways to do this so we can skip the other FMS work on the days when he’s got that kind of homework for school instead of increasing the time he spends at the homework table. This one-thing-with-multiple-results really helped to reduce the workload last year and that REALLY helped us at  home.

Homework: We think it's important that the teacher know that homework is an on-going struggle for us. He does independent reading every morning and we read to him every night. This usually goes very well and is one of our favourite parts of the day. Homework time, on the other hand, is definitely our least favourite part of the day. He loves doing creative and scientific projects, but anything written is often a battle right from the mention of it. A 10 word spelling list can become an hour long saga some nights, for example. We’ve tried many strategies and have yet to find one that works consistently. We’re not giving up though. Any suggestions she might have are welcome!

Extra Homework: We don’t want Jonas falling behind in school. We understand that if he doesn’t complete something during the day it may need to be sent home. One of his big challenges is long word problems in math and reading comprehension. He simply loses the plot if he can’t stop and reinforce each step of the way. There isn’t time for this in school so we end up doing extra work at home. We hope that the teacher will understand that it may not be a simple task to work in the additional homework. We will do our best, though we’re praying that he’ll be able to complete most of his work in class this year.

One-on-One Help at School: We also love this school's Home Reading Program! It was a great help to Jonas last year. Any extra one-on-one attention he can get to improve his academics is very much appreciated! If an opportunity ever comes up for a tutoring program, we’d be very interested in that as well.

Goals and Rewards: Jonas responds well to having clear goals with rewards at the end.  15 minutes of solid homework time is rewarded with an equal amount of play time, for example. A good week at school means he can have some video game time on the weekend. Doing well on a spelling test can earn a different type of reward. There’s got to be something in it for him that he appreciates or he’s simply not going to be motivated. He’s just starting to understand the bigger picture rewards of doing well in school but he doesn’t have enough appreciation for it yet for us to leverage it.

Physical Activity: The more physically active he is during the day, the more manageable Jonas’s symptoms are. One of his previous teachers took away his recess time as punishment for poor behaviour in the class and it backfired. Instead of learning from the consequences, he became more restless and unfocused. Last year, his teachers started using verbal cues to keep him on-task, and also added regular movement breaks throughout the day. This seemed to have much better success keeping him focused in class.


We know that a teacher's job isn't easy. Managing a classroom full of kids, each with their own personalities, must be very challenging. We think of our family and the school as a team! We hope that we can continue to work together this year to make it a great year for everyone involved!

Cheers!


Thursday, September 8, 2011

"I'll be a good boy, mom. I promise!"

There's a new battle looming on the Blanchard homestead. When I ask Jonas to take his ADHD medication in the morning he starts to cry. "I"ll be a good boy, mom. I promise!" It breaks my heart and makes me wonder again if we're doing the right thing.

Somehow, he got it in his head that he has to take this pill because he's a bad boy, like it's a punishment. Sometime during the summer, he started thinking that these challenges he has can all be resolved by mind over matter and, when he doesn't control them, it's because he is making a choice not to.

That's such a load of #%&*!!

Yesterday, and again this morning, we talked about why he has to take his medicine. I explained that what the pill does is allow him to be able to stop and use his brain to think things through so he has a chance to make smart decisions. The pill doesn't do that thinking or make those decisions for him. That's up to him. All of us have to learn to think things through, to predict and weigh consequences so we can make wise decisions. Isn't that a big part of what childhood is all about?  Wisdom comes with experience, right?

He has to learn through experience and teaching, as all kids do, but ADHD means that he doesn't get a chance to go through that decision-making process or absorb those lessons. When he's not on his medication it's as if his brain is a race car, stuck in drive with the pedal to the metal. He doesn't make bad choices. He doesn't make any choices at all. Most things get lost in a blur of hyperactivity and impulsiveness. Like touching a hot stove over and over, he doesn't absorb the experience and he doesn't remember the lessons, so the same things play themselves out again and again. It's frustrating for everybody and leaves him thinking that there's something wrong with him.

That's not ok with me. I'm not the kind of mom who lives wearing rose coloured glasses. I'm an optimist, yes, but I'm also a realist. I want Jonas to learn these life lessons. I'm not trying to protect him from them. I'd just like to give him a chance to learn without having his self esteem beaten to a pulp in the process.

Cheers!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Wordless Wednesday: Self-Inflicted Injuries

THE PHYSICAL AND SOCIAL:
 This is what happens when... you want to go for a walk BUT you have a blister that makes it impossible to put on your running shoe without crying BUT you're determined not to give up and let a potential good habit fade into memory. (OK, maybe it wouldn't happen you, but it did happen to be me. Thank goodness I only go at when it's dark out.)


THE MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL:
 This is what happens when...  you tell your 8 year old ADHDer that he can use the Scooby Do plaque rinse
BUT forget to tell him to wait for you so you can supervise and he goes ahead and forgets to use a cup. (I couldn't take a picture of him or he'd have gone to school today looking like a potential member of the Blue Man Group.)

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Ready for the First Day of School?

One Day to Go!

Yesterday was the last chance to get everything ready for the first day of school. By the time we ate breakfast, the new indoor shoes were lost, the new mechanical pencil was broken, the new pencil case and the old pencil case were misplaced and one of the new shirts had a stain in it. No wonder we leave these things until the last minute!

Step One - Organizing! We organized Jonas's homemade supplies box, set up his binder and clock, packed his backpack and started making his lunch.

Here's what the supplies box looks like up close.
Jonas and Steve made this at the end of last year - any excuse to use duct tape!

Step Two: De-stressing! Jonas's ADHD medication makes him extra emotional so a stress ball is always near at hand at home and at school. He's got a simple one for school but got a new stress cow for home:


Step Three: The Plan! Most kids do well on a predictable schedule and that's very true for Jonas. His daily schedule and chore charts are posted on the fridge and his agenda is in his backpack.


A smiley face from the teacher on Day One - Phew!

Today was the big day!

We all had a good night sleep and this morning was pretty relaxed considering that Steve and I switched places from what we've lived the first four years of school. He got up early for work and I did the morning routine. I sat by myself with a cup of coffee for a bit before I woke Jonas up, about an hour before we had to leave. I snuggled with him for a few minutes and had to laugh about the two things that were on his mind: learning his times tables and being absolutely certain that Grade Two wasn't over yet and that it's not the first day of Grade Three yet.

Step One - A Healthy Breakfast


Step Two - Brush Teeth and THEN Get Dressed 
(Yes. You must do it in that order!)


The shirt says "I'm happy. Don't mess it up."

 Step Three: Final Check Hair

He did it himself - can you tell?
We got out the door exactly on time and arrived at school a little early so he could talk to his friends. He was a little stressed to discover that he does have a new teacher this year after all. (He's now in a Grade 3-4 split instead of a Grade 2-3 split. The school is so small that they lost two teachers over the summer.) His anxiety quickly dissipated when he found out that he already knows most of the kids in his class AND he gets to sit beside he best school buddy. Phew!  We've got a new teacher to break-in but as long as he's happy we're off to a good start.

As he excitedly gave me a kiss and hug,  I reminded him to eat his lunch and drink his water. He made a funny face and said "I know that. It's not my first day, ya know mom!" and then ran off to play.  As I drove away, I realized that I forgot to give him is ADHD meds today. Ooops! Nice first impression to make on the new teacher. Oh well, it is kind of my first day after all.

Cheers!

Monday, September 5, 2011

Burning Off a Little Back to School Anxiety

I did it! Day Two if the C25K program successfully completed! "Graceful as a gazelle" isn't a phrase anyone is going to use to describe my running ability any time soon. "Gasping Granny" might be more appropriate, but so what. I do it at night and nobody has to watch if they don't want to. (Frankly, I'd be worried if someone did want to watch!) 

I can't imagine being able to run 5K in the next 7 or 8 weeks, but that's not my primary goal anyway. I look forward to achieving that milestone, but I have to admit that I really like the 30 minutes of solitude. Other than the few cars driving by, and the occasional dog walker, it's just me, doing something for myself by myself. It feels really good, even with this huge freaking blister on my foot.

A walk-run was a perfect diversion tonight. I'm anxious about the start of school and while I was out there tonight I realized why. It's more than just hoping that Jonas fits in and does well, although those are huge concerns. It's about control. School supplies and homework area are organized, backpack is packed and ready to go, the groceries are put away and the meal plan is in place. Now it's time for me to LET GO! I've got morning duty now and the rest is out of my hands. I won't be home for afternoon pick-ups, homework or dinner prep anymore. Steve is going to quarterback that stuff. This isn't about trusting him either. I have no doubt that he'll do a great job, and I'm actually looking forward to seeing his relationship with Jonas blossom as they spend more time together.

What I figured out tonight is that I'm feeling a loss of a huge part of my identity. Taking care of Jonas has been my primary role for the last four years, and for more than half of his life. It's not that I don't think he can manage without me. Quite the opposite is true actually. It's just that I haven't yet figured out how to fill that void. The question I'm wrestling with is "How do we keep the close bond we have with so much less time together?"

I had to laugh when I realized that this is my burning issue at the same time that I'm working so hard to carve out solitary time for myself.  Oh the joys of motherhood!

Cheers!

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Chocolate for Breakfast?!

Whole wheat wrap, banana, berries, yogurt and cocoa-hazelnut spread  - breakfast of champions?


One of the side effects of Jonas's ADHD medication is that it all but eliminates his appetite. He barely eats through the day, unless we take him off his meds, which isn't an option during the school year. Figuring out school lunches and snacks is a serious challenge for me. (I don't mean prepping them, but getting him to actually eat them.) He usually wakes up hungry though, which makes breakfast a prime opportunity to pack in the nutrition.

One of the successes I think I've had as a mom has been I've been pretty unwavering about Jonas having a healthy breakfast every day. At least 3 food groups are a must. Cereal with milk and banana slices or berries, granola with a yogurt smoothie, eggs on toast with tomatoes and a glass of milk. I even sneak in protein powder, wheat germ or extra greens sometimes. There are lots of options, and he's getting pretty good at making good food choices for himself when he gets up in the morning.

That's why I feel a little guilty about caving-in and buying cocoa-hazelnut spread this week. (We even have a strict rule around here that chocolate isn't for breakfast, except on Christmas, if Santa leaves you some in your stocking, that is.)

"I think I'd like to have strawberry and Nutella wraps for breakfast, Mom." Jonas said as we cruised through the farmer's market this weekend. He's underweight, has been putting up a fight about eating fruit, and it was his suggestion, so I jumped at it. That he'll eat brussels sprouts is great, but what kind of mom can't get her kid to eat an apple or grapes? My guilt about the chocolate was quickly beat out by my guilt about the fruit, so I bought it.

We're trying to cultivate healthy habits in him, so if I have to be a little sneaky to get him to eat better, I'll often go for it. We made a deal that if he has the spread, he has to have fruit with it - as well as a glass of milk or yogurt. I'll be home in the mornings now to supervise breakfast, so I'm not worried about him chowing down on the chocolatey goodness and forgetting the healthy part. In fact, since we'll be eating together, I might just indulge with him one of these mornings.

Cheers!

Saturday, September 3, 2011

A Day Late...

 ..but it feels GREAT!!

Last night was supposed to be my first walk-to-run but Mother Nature had other plans. A storm blew in as I was on my way home from work. By the time I got there, thunder and lightening squashed my plans. (I don't mind a warm summer rain but getting electrocuted isn't part of my plan.) So, tonight was Take Two. After I read with Jonas, tucked him in and snuggled with him a for few minutes, I got changed, put on my still new shoes and headed out.

I loved it! I could hear the trees swaying in the dark, the moon was shrouded in mist and the crickets and frogs were chirping. Other than the cars passing by, it felt like I was the only person on earth. I was alone with my thoughts for the first time in what feels like years. While I walked, my mind churned over all the challenges and blessings of life and, while running, was centered on the very primal need to breathe. After a half an hour, I was home stretching. My legs are a little achy and I have a little blister on my heel, but I feel great. I did it!


I'm not going to win any land speed or distance records, but that's not the point. I lost a lot of weight the last couple of years because I wasn't healthy. I was diagnosed with Lupus a few years ago, and it's been a battle for me to stay in good health. I went from being overweight to underweight and, even though I liked the look of my body better that way, I hated living in it. It was killing me. I've worked hard over the past year to get healthier but I've let that slide since going back to the business world. My arthritis is bothering me again and I've gone a little past where I want to be in terms of weight. Just as importantly, I'm not fit. I can't just eat a healthy dinner, play dodgeball with the Beaver Scouts, go hiking a few times a month, and expect to feel good. That stops now!

I'll lace them up again for a walk tomorrow, go for another walk-to-run on Monday night, and take a few more steps towards my goal.

Cheers!